In 2003, I graduated with my BS in Environmental
Systems/Earth Sciences from the University of California San Diego—a brand-new
science major at a wonderful school. But I still felt totally stupid. Sure, I
could derive equations. I had memorized all of the geological time periods. I
knew what an anticline was, where to find siliceous ooze in the ocean, and that
isotopes are powerful scientific tools.
But did I feel like I could contribute intellectually to the world, as an
environmental scientist? Not really.
While I did have some practical training in labs as an
undergraduate, these were mostly (low) paid positions where I followed
instructions, did repetitive, tedious operations (“now, attach together 10,000
of these tiny paired pieces of metal”), and didn’t have any involvement in
looking at the results of the experiments. If this was the kind of work I could
look forward to the rest of my career, I was not interested.
Of course, I had kind of always assumed I would get a PhD,
for two reasons:
Have lots of containers, will travel for science. |
1. I wanted people to take me seriously. As an
environmentally-conscious and fiery kid (I am Italian and Irish, after all), I
would get into heated debates with adults about why their choices were ruining
the world for my generation. Of course no one listened to me, but I reasoned
that once I was Dr. Carilli everyone would lend and ear (though the White House
has yet to ring me for earth-fixing advice, for some reason).
So, I applied and got into graduate school at Scripps
Institution of Oceanography. After a year of pfaffing around and changing
advisors and topics, I finally settled on a project that I was passionate
about: applying my undergraduate background training in geochemistry, climate
change, and oceanography to reconstruct the recent history of human impacts on
the Mesoamerican Reef.
Within the first two years, I learned the majority of what I
found to be the most useful parts of my graduate education. I probably should
have just run away with a Master’s at that point, but I’m stubborn, and in the
end I’m glad I stuck it out. While I may not end up in a job that actually
utilizes my PhD (or any job at all—maybe I’ll end up a gentlewoman scientist
and overly qualified mother), here are the parts of graduate school I am most
grateful for, and why I think graduate education—even without a prized academic
position at the end of it—is still worthwhile (major side note here—I am
specifically talking about advanced science degrees, which include a stipend
for living expenses and where enrollment fees are covered. In this economic
climate, paying for a graduate degree is probably very risky):
1. I learned how to think critically.
I can still remember the gut-wrenching embarrassment during
my first lab meeting with my tiny lab—myself, my advisor Richard Norris, and my
co-graduate student Flavia Nunes. After discussing the findings of a paper we
had all read, Dick asked me for my critique of the work. It had never occurred
to me that I was supposed to be reading with a skeptical view of the claims the
paper made; I had just taken it at face-value, like most of my undergraduate
reading (The earth revolves around the sun: fact to memorize. End of story).
While there may have been classes I took as an undergrad
that purported to teach critical thinking, for me it was ineffective. Maybe I
wasn’t mature enough. Maybe no one had ever asked me what I thought about the strengths and weaknesses of a piece of
scientific knowledge. It took many more months (years?) for me to get a handle
on this, but our weekly lab meetings and small seminar classes were extremely
useful to me for learning how to actually think.
Inadvertent grad school benefit: Devising more exciting ways to use luggage |
2. I learned how to conceptualize, plan, and carry out
actual science.
It’s one thing to say that I wanted to save the world by
doing science. It’s completely another thing to know how to take the requisite
baby steps forward to do that. What, exactly to focus on? Where I the world to
collect samples? How many samples to collect? How to preserve them, how to
prepare them for analysis, how to design the laboratory work? Then, how to
interpret the data, especially when the answers aren’t readily apparent? How to
place your tiny piece of work in context of the larger body of Science that
other people have completed? How to build on your work to answer the next
question that arises? None of these things can be learned in a typical classroom.
3. I learned how to communicate about science.
At least, I like to think so. Giving talks and posters at
conferences, lab meetings, and teaching, writing grant proposals and
manuscripts for publication were all excellent ways to learn different styles
of communication (aside from just arguing ineffectively with the guy in line at
the bank about climate change, for example).
Over the entire six years of my PhD program, I also got to
know some amazing people (those are links to just a few of them--I could go on forever there). I love watching their careers develop, and thinking
of ways we can continue to collaborate together to create positive change for
the oceans.
Grad school bonus: Instant nerdly friends/future unemployed people to have coffee with! |
There are a lot of very bad reasons
to go to graduate school, but also some good ones—becoming a potentially more
effective scientist and/or citizen of the world, even though you almost
certainly won’t continue on in academia because there are no jobs and no grant money. Despite an uncertain future, graduate school can, maybe possibly, be a good
investment of your time.
My biggest regret is not
listening more seriously to my advisor when he suggested alternative careers,
coupled with not thinking seriously about what jobs (including those in
academia) actually exist, or where my particular skills would best fit. Now, as
the end of my postdoc looms, I am scrambling to find these alternatives, in
case all of my various applications for academic positions are ineffective
(which, given the odds, is likely). At least I always have those old
cake-decorating and surf-instruction skills to fall back on.
Note -- I can't think of the best way to rephrase, but when I say "overly qualified mother" I don't mean that I have any actual qualifications, aside from 15 mos of on-the-job training, and this very worthwhile profession (mothering). All of you mothers with degrees in early childhood development and related skills make me very jealous.
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