Conversations with Ryder

Ryder: Wheels! Airplane. Vroooom. Cars. Fast.

Me: Ah.

Ryder: I ride in the airplane?

Me: Yes, sometime.

Ryder: I go airplane! I go airplane! Drive in mama car to airplane?

Me: Oh, sorry bud. Not today, but another day we’ll go on an airplane.

Ryder: Airplaaaaaaaannnnnneeee!!! Waaaahhhhh!

Me: (shit) Ryder, let’s go outside and look for pine nuts!

Ryder: (eyes me suspiciously) Pinenuts?

Me: Yes, let’s go find some.

Ryder: Shoes?

Me: Oh yes, we should put on shoes.

Ryder: Mama wear shoes?

Me: Yep.

"My thoughts on the conflict in Syria center on the obvious need to wear more silly hats."

Ryder: Ryder wear shoes?

Me: Yes, you can wear shoes too.

Ryder: Monica wear shoes? Daddy wear shoes? Grammie wear shoes?

Me: Yes, they are probably wearing shoes right now, too.

Ryder: Helicopter?

Me: Um, do you want to bring the helicopter toy?

Ryder: Yeah. Upstairs?

Me: Ok, let’s go upstairs and look for it.

Ryder: Go upstairs! Go upstairs! Ryder go upstairs! Hold hands?

Me: Ok!

(small respite of quiet as he focuses on this task)

"Bus coming? Bus coming? Bus coming? Ride on the bus? Ryder go on the bus?"

Ryder: (arriving in bedroom) Poo.

Me: Need to use the potty?

Ryder: Poo on floor.

Me: Um, no. We don’t poo on the floor.

Ryder: (running around maniacally) Poo on book! Poo on car! Poo on bed!

Me: (sigh) Would you like to use the potty?

Ryder: No, thank you.

Me: (quietly die of adorable and gratefulness to sister-in-law for teaching him this phrase) Ok.

Ryder: (finds helicopter) Pinenuts?

Me: (wishing he had forgotten this, because there really are no pinenuts in the vicinity) Ok! Let’s go! (crap)

Ryder: (as we go out the front door) Mama daddy Ryder house. Daddy work? Daddy work? Daddy work? (I am futzing with my keys or shoes or something and not immediately responding to his question, so he just repeats it over and over ad infinium)

Me: Oh, yes! This is our house, and daddy is at work.

Ryder: Ryder work?

Me: One day you’ll go to work, when you are older.

Ryder: (does not comprehend time yet. Blank stare for a moment, until he sees a bird) Bird! On tree! Bird fly on road? Bird fly on road?

Me: Um, I don’t know if the bird will fly down to the road. Would you like that?

Ryder: Yes. Bird fly on road. (Big smile)

Perhaps you understand why I get nothing done around the house. I’m not sure how people do it—those who seem to be able to mop the floor while baking a double batch of flax-quinoa muffins and paying bills and responding coherently to their children’s discussions about life. I do admit, sometimes I just try a little “uh-huh?” while trying desperately to focus my attention on something else, like calculating whether to do laundry that day or not. But this lovely creature of mine is persistent, and unamused by stupid responses (I imagine him thinking: Lady, I asked you a direct question about whether you the green helicopter can fly faster than the red one. “Uh-huh” is 

clearly not an acceptable answer).