Friday, 20 April 2012

How to construct stuff like a champ

--> 1. Never use the right tools. This will lend a much larger sense of accomplishment when the task is completed. For instance, use the file bit on your nail clippers to shape a penny into a slot-head screwdriver, rather than going out and buying an actual screwdriver. Sure, you won’t get as much leverage and it will take much longer, but then you can stick your penny-screwdriver in your wallet and be ready for anything.

2. Never measure anything. This will allow your creations to have their own unique character. Who wants a perfectly square bookcase? That’s boring!

3. Use whatever you have around the house, along with the cheapest accoutrement you can find, to accomplish your task. For instance, I could have purchased a plastic mobile hanger that clamps onto my baby’s crib for $10 online. Instead, I spent $4.90 at the hardware store to buy plastic clamps and metal 90-degree angle thingies. Then I took apart the broken clothes-drying rack sitting in my laundry room and built something way more home-made!
4. Use ribbons or other embellishments to hide bits that look ugly, or that are not structurally sound. Please see disclaimer below.
5. After you have put together your masterpiece, leave the room quickly. If you don’t hear any crashing noises for some time, you may indeed be able to use your item! Be sure to give it at least a day, if not longer, before actual use. My mobile example was up a month ahead of my due date. Since it didn’t collapse before then, I assume it won’t fall on the baby.

Disclaimer: following these tips might lead you to create items that may collapse. Please don’t build anything requiring actual stability (like a shelf to hold your grandmother’s ashes in a breakable urn), and don’t place these items in a place where they may hurt someone if they fall apart (like above your couch).

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