tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51366707006399331952024-03-14T00:06:58.016-07:00Jessica's Blog of Bad AdviceAKA Adventures of a seasick marine scientistJessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.comBlogger91125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-34038495985771776952021-01-26T20:30:00.004-08:002021-01-26T20:31:53.752-08:00How to get yourself/your kid (maybe?) to do boring stuff<p> <span face="Calibri, sans-serif">Well! Hello there! It’s been about a zillion years since I have been here to bestow my boundless wisdom into the ether, but it’s a new year (off to a fucking insane ridiculous dumpster-fire start) so what better time than to write something non-useful?!</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;">Today, I bring you Jessica’s top tips for motivation through boring stuff! These are my best <s>distilled</s> (who am I kidding?) tips that I regularly use to force myself to do* boring things that must be done. I have tried out most of these with the 9-year old as I struggle hard to try to convince him to complete the endless worksheets that are supposed to make him learn from home (but mostly make him hate school, and get mad at me). I tried getting the Ok from his teacher to just burn all of this and go look for bugs under logs instead, but that was not well-received. So, since I am a rule-follower, we are slogging through the backlog of work, sprinkling these tools along the way, keeping the old “get ‘er done” goal in sight. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>Change of scenery</p><o:p></o:p><p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;">Yes, we set up a room in the house (formerly the guestroom, but what even is a guest anymore?) as a “classroom” with desks and such, but moving around to work in different areas can break things up and help motivate. Some places we do work: the playroom floor, the couch, the porch, the kitchen counter, the trampoline (not while jumping, that would be a bit dangerous from a pencil-stabbing-eyeballs standpoint), the outdoor couch, the garden, the 3<sup>rd</sup> floor, etc. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;">We use <a href="https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/kuggis-box-with-lid-white-60280205/">these</a> smooth and rigid plastic bin-lids from Ikea as work surfaces for non-iPad work when I am coercing the children to do school work in these different non-desk locations. </p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyz-o7XKZ-uiOPxL8P-ul-RuLWX5JDLfnEY5NKPjVcUvzRKNt4as8uJuajIEUZTyzSNX72r9exm8EOWpEgsVDyDivFukLZCZ-hjSS92SkFEl7toLzFffnNPSdvav2DVm4yex_55UfN2d4/s2048/IMG_2749.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center; text-indent: -24px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyz-o7XKZ-uiOPxL8P-ul-RuLWX5JDLfnEY5NKPjVcUvzRKNt4as8uJuajIEUZTyzSNX72r9exm8EOWpEgsVDyDivFukLZCZ-hjSS92SkFEl7toLzFffnNPSdvav2DVm4yex_55UfN2d4/s320/IMG_2749.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">School on the trampoline - who would have thought?</td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Colors and things<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;">When doing something boring and repetitive, why not at least spice it up with some fancy colored pens? Or use some cute seahorse stamps to make your 6x7 array example instead of just drawing pencil dots? Stickers? I love this shit. </p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;">I feel very pro with my handy change-of-scenery-friendly colored pencil/marker caddy made from some yogurt containers and zip ties. </p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjURlZvWj6HVV8V4Kg95Mn6JNR0QLPJNYNJzga1V63Y2MvUU1tAcNOtP0saol_C8slRKVvsM0eYa2d2m76vxe0X3LM2wc2x9_xSNPEoYCEf6G5kkKyEKUG3km7jWz6PFWgSDB314zEAd50/s2048/IMG_3104.JPG" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img alt="Yogurt containers with pencils and pens" border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjURlZvWj6HVV8V4Kg95Mn6JNR0QLPJNYNJzga1V63Y2MvUU1tAcNOtP0saol_C8slRKVvsM0eYa2d2m76vxe0X3LM2wc2x9_xSNPEoYCEf6G5kkKyEKUG3km7jWz6PFWgSDB314zEAd50/w320-h240/IMG_3104.JPG" title="Yogurt containers make handy pencil/pen/etc holders" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yogurt containers are handy and cheap!</td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV1DaYJVBilt1X7XcY0W1FKmBz0MiXxKnwWbJtLJZZJmbFhOlNmEaVWpig10JW2-wyqkGhp3ehKarsGqoi8weUlHkJ1NBTHGzO_5tumjQ6y9cm5kLFSVyhMEYmS5SIupPQqkPgR0PRNFs/s2048/IMG_3105.JPG" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center; text-indent: -24px;"><img alt="Hedgehog tape holder" border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV1DaYJVBilt1X7XcY0W1FKmBz0MiXxKnwWbJtLJZZJmbFhOlNmEaVWpig10JW2-wyqkGhp3ehKarsGqoi8weUlHkJ1NBTHGzO_5tumjQ6y9cm5kLFSVyhMEYmS5SIupPQqkPgR0PRNFs/w320-h240/IMG_3105.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cute, and also harder to lose.</td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Chunks<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;">Break up each giant, intimidating piece of work into manageable chunks: one worksheet page, half an hour of washing glassware, etc. You can even add chunks to a to-do list and cross them off, or make a spreadsheet and color-code the completed/to-do cells to celebrate and track progress. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]-->4.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Snacks<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;">I learned this one from someone on Twitter: self-bribery with treats. Allow yourself/your kid to enjoy a gummy bear or similar treat after completing a given little chunk of work. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;">I also like to use healthy snacks like celery sticks, carrots, snap peas, etc. to keep my mouth and therefore part of my brain busy and distracted while doing something boring. This is weirdly effective.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]-->5.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Gum<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;">Chewing gum might be helpful for reducing stress (and therefore maybe improving focus) for those with sensory-processing issues (i.e. see <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3616056/">this</a> study), although other work (like <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0195666310005210">this</a> study) suggests it can be distracting and negatively affect attention. Toss up?<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSESLTUAxpnDblwk1CsKo7KrbF3L4sKIvmmi8pLRJnyUYqAnUaVSp8joT1eHQHgUOaDhXwWsJlZ5rvKRmUtB6oF1e92QpE7TFrW5n-X9xTFNf4Tpp9t9WxqMybfqXYrVgMRbGpYmycsTc/s1024/IMG_2170.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center; text-indent: -24px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1024" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSESLTUAxpnDblwk1CsKo7KrbF3L4sKIvmmi8pLRJnyUYqAnUaVSp8joT1eHQHgUOaDhXwWsJlZ5rvKRmUtB6oF1e92QpE7TFrW5n-X9xTFNf4Tpp9t9WxqMybfqXYrVgMRbGpYmycsTc/s320/IMG_2170.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Remote kindergarten - oh my.</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]-->6.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Background music/podcasts and such<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;">I often work much better in loud-ish and/or busy environments (coffee shops, my office with the door open and people walking around talking, etc.). Quiet nothingness makes me feel like I need to be somewhere else – surely there must be something better happening that I am missing? Similarly, I can’t possibly do things like repetitive labwork or house cleaning without listening to podcasts or a book on tape, or talking on the phone. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="font-size: medium;">Maybe put on the soundtrack to The Mandalorian or Star Wars to make it seem like you’re accomplishing something important and slightly dangerous? <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; margin-left: 0.25in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]-->7.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Trading<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;">Sometimes, the kids trade with one another – the little one does a few too-hard multiplication equations while the older one does a few too-easy lines of handwriting. The older one’s handwriting is pretty messy, and the little one at least grasps the concept of multiplication, even if she’s not quite as adept, so it tends to work out for a few minutes…at least long enough for them to be happy to get back to doing their own work for a while. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;">I do mental trading with myself – i.e. if I do this one hard thing that I hate (like budgets), then I can do some of this other thing I really enjoy (like writing). <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="font-size: medium;">I have yet to figure out how to trade so that the kids do MY boring tasks, but I’m thinking it’s high time they learned how to clean a bathroom at least. Maybe in exchange for coloring? Why do they hate coloring? It’s so relaxing! <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;">Have these tools worked for motivating myself? Why, yes, indeed! For my kids? Not so much! Please send wine/your advice/COVID vaccines. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2eoI46AgL3cV408BPIbTjHcUkUdB0783sRFiueROH8YeFztjwbbemvuVETFf4NlEyIQIVggCBn84wftefgQqqSZYF0DVp8VYYD4xDGa_o6G3NR53YUgFgAKD76dvFcb0K5EvA_NPDBk4/s2048/IMG_3089.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center; text-indent: -24px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2eoI46AgL3cV408BPIbTjHcUkUdB0783sRFiueROH8YeFztjwbbemvuVETFf4NlEyIQIVggCBn84wftefgQqqSZYF0DVp8VYYD4xDGa_o6G3NR53YUgFgAKD76dvFcb0K5EvA_NPDBk4/s320/IMG_3089.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All the things: change of locale, colors, snacks, distracting birds singing in the background, etc.</td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium;">(*Caveat: you know I have ADHD, so whether or not I actually <i>complete</i> boring things is another story, but these to tend to help them move in the direction of maybe being done.)</p><style class="WebKit-mso-list-quirks-style">
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</style>Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-28441082540400032432020-04-21T21:23:00.004-07:002020-04-21T21:25:07.002-07:00Perfect Parenting Projects<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
Hello from Impending Doom (i.e. Sunday night before another week of pandemic parenting)! I hope you are holding up – if so, you are killing it! Nice job! <o:p></o:p></div>
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For those of you who, like me, now have a preschooler at home and previously had absolutely no skills at keeping said preschooler engaged because you work and they go to preschool for a reason, I am here to share with you my new Perfect Parenting Projects advice. I’m qualified to provide this advice because my brother and his wife are preschool professionals, and I have rudimentary Vulcan Mind Meld skills (don’t tell), so I can now be trusted to guide you along on this newly-appointed-preschool-teacher journey. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Step 1: Flail around on various Montessori-at home websites, and become totally overwhelmed by the volume of material and required time investment. Also get extremely confused because you have no formal Montessori training and you are not privy to the above-mentioned mind meld. Close 45 tabs and come back to this one. Now. Ready?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq0KvqW_DfksBIxeL2sbNhVJ6ZkJ9tPTmqNFMAhmlfc2_YkhAllXcFQjzwVLL9D-s21iJRnGqIddynyOZGCeNb8V4WCt0x2a242uAjIPbD4bkLYV5TQxlLcOa8LSFMiXHth30f8No35w0/s1600/IMG-0038.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq0KvqW_DfksBIxeL2sbNhVJ6ZkJ9tPTmqNFMAhmlfc2_YkhAllXcFQjzwVLL9D-s21iJRnGqIddynyOZGCeNb8V4WCt0x2a242uAjIPbD4bkLYV5TQxlLcOa8LSFMiXHth30f8No35w0/s320/IMG-0038.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Serenity - it will all be ok (maybe, unless we all die and/or lose our jobs/housing//family members/friends, but who is counting...ok back to focusing on relatively small things because the rest is too much)</td></tr>
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</o:p></div>
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Step 2: Set up a sensory day:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">(a)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Sight – cut paint swatches in half, and/or gather pairs of different-looking things like different sized washers, nuts, bolts, etc. <span style="font-family: "wingdings";"></span> kid can do matching and then also ordering. Kids with Montessori experience in particular totally get this. It’s kind of magical. </div>
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<i>Estimated set-up time: 5-20 minutes. </i></div>
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<i>Estimated time this will keep them busy: 5-20 minutes, depending how hard you made it (I had like 16 shades of taupe – so proud of past me for keeping those). </i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">(b)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Smell – grab some things from the kitche that are kind of obvious-smelling and wrap them in foil, then poke some holes in them. Offer them to your kid to identify.<br />
<i>Estimated set-up time: 5 minutes. </i></div>
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<i>Estimated time this will keep them busy: 3 minutes. </i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5A7qd977NO42UFI_UNgM6sD-BEuIeVKu-Vjv1UxSSrh49oERuJHcR8vW3fGG5PEpBti6FvlpVKoF7Ue7g8-8TjPddkiauUkTl6nYQdjH-kaz3WnzOLSuQw-GF6_Kon9J0hmK4tXAJG40/s1600/IMG_1045.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center; text-indent: 0px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="714" data-original-width="1600" height="142" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5A7qd977NO42UFI_UNgM6sD-BEuIeVKu-Vjv1UxSSrh49oERuJHcR8vW3fGG5PEpBti6FvlpVKoF7Ue7g8-8TjPddkiauUkTl6nYQdjH-kaz3WnzOLSuQw-GF6_Kon9J0hmK4tXAJG40/s320/IMG_1045.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not the most visually appealing</td></tr>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">(c)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Taste – cut up tiny pieces of things and have your kid close their eyes & pop them into their mouths. Probably best not to give them things that will make them freak out, like maybe no jalapeños, and probably nothing deemed “gross”. </div>
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<i>Estimated set-up time: 2-5 minutes. </i></div>
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<i>Estimated time this will keep them busy: 3 minutes. They will probably ask to do it again with different things. </i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">(d)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Touch – put random objects into a cloth bag and have your kid try to identify them without looking in the bag. </div>
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<i>Estimated set-up time: 5 minutes of casting about the random things in kitchen drawers. </i></div>
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<i>Estimated time this will keep them busy: 5-20 minutes, depending on how hard you make it and how many clues you give. </i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">(e)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Hearing – re-use your paper towel/TP rolls to make matching-paired-shakers. Put inside things like dry beans, washers, rice, etc. </div>
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<i>Estimated set-up time: 30 minutes. </i></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<i>Estimated time this will keep them busy: Maybe 5 minutes, but more like 2 if you make it too easy. </i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQzNauPTCkI2bUFgxUliicr-SnhiyaRlOfe-RfH7YS4Rvz1wAhyphenhyphenttCfOjSWViv_dxBUx2P6BZW_yJ4GySviMTTyKP8XyfF7rkLLeZtc5OhP6-22YpRSXcuBucCZD1jqdChXDKMjR510MQ/s1600/IMG_1046.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQzNauPTCkI2bUFgxUliicr-SnhiyaRlOfe-RfH7YS4Rvz1wAhyphenhyphenttCfOjSWViv_dxBUx2P6BZW_yJ4GySviMTTyKP8XyfF7rkLLeZtc5OhP6-22YpRSXcuBucCZD1jqdChXDKMjR510MQ/s320/IMG_1046.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There are probably faster & definitely less crappy ways to do this</td></tr>
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Step 3: Design and carry out a super-creative craft project using items from nature:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">(a)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Find an old Glass Gem corn cob in a drawer. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">(b)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Kernels must be plucked off using tweezers. This is good for fine-motor-skill development/practice. Disclaimer: I did not come up with this; we bought this cob to copy a work from the little one’s preschool, but then the little one decided the cob was too precious to take apart. However, I convinced her to use the cob for this work because of the awesome final-outcome, which will be to have a beautiful necklace to wear and show off said awesome kernels.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">(c)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->When the older child decides this looks way more fun than doing math worksheets that have been assigned, spend 30 minutes negotiating with the little one that the older child can <i>also</i> pluck half of the kernels from the cob as long as the little one gets to wear all necklaces made from said kernels.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">(d)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Drill holes in a portion of the kernels the younger child has plucked while the children try to build robots from random nuts and bolts, and you explain what torque is and why the little whirring battery-powered motor that will spin a tiny propeller won’t propel a wood/nuts & bolts robot across the floor.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">(e)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Partway through the hole drilling, the kids get bored of their robot plans.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">(f)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->The younger child decides she doesn’t want to make a necklace after all, and the kernels now must just live in the bowl she put them in. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj2gOCculE1GbZEhK_lqlW8G9jufOYrNA6Op3ez7W7db6F_aeTxhDln_skW0clNXdla3sai2PMF3QEVLq77bYaXGl-1-R7xAphSUT7hLo-k0RSUk45F8PYVp5Rvj2-JjtXh6BJwrajcuw/s1600/Screen+Shot+2020-04-21+at+9.02.30+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1103" data-original-width="1600" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj2gOCculE1GbZEhK_lqlW8G9jufOYrNA6Op3ez7W7db6F_aeTxhDln_skW0clNXdla3sai2PMF3QEVLq77bYaXGl-1-R7xAphSUT7hLo-k0RSUk45F8PYVp5Rvj2-JjtXh6BJwrajcuw/s320/Screen+Shot+2020-04-21+at+9.02.30+PM.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So pretty! Maybe I'll just make a necklace for myself</td></tr>
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Step 4: Feel discouraged. Decide maybe we can just do playdoh, read, and watch movies for the next month. That probably never killed anyone. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMmDm7JcQIs4MSWj9xiOLOH8moBRQoG0zWQG29t9xid2CPNm5TXva-vIm0bRBOB3PVuN2Qg-I5H6yMqDeiuMT20kcKVrzr6bthd5OKsthWOI-uDOY-jqg4-1NizzvP_1Vlrhhzm_uqPtM/s1600/IMG_0936.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMmDm7JcQIs4MSWj9xiOLOH8moBRQoG0zWQG29t9xid2CPNm5TXva-vIm0bRBOB3PVuN2Qg-I5H6yMqDeiuMT20kcKVrzr6bthd5OKsthWOI-uDOY-jqg4-1NizzvP_1Vlrhhzm_uqPtM/s320/IMG_0936.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Never underestimate the awesomeness of facepaint</td></tr>
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Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-63134909484731987032020-04-13T20:52:00.001-07:002020-04-13T20:54:18.687-07:00How to get your kid set up for remote-learning<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
In this very weird new world we find ourselves in, connected to others by computer, phones, and waves across a 6-foot chasm, I thought I would share with you my winning solution to getting your elementary-school kids set up for their new remote-learning situation. <o:p></o:p></div>
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First, try not to let the emails from your school district learning coordinator, superintendent, principal and teacher get lost amongst the avalanche of emails re-assuring you that it is totally fine to re-book your airline flight, buy cupcakes delivered by disinfected drone, sign up for a zoom-based exercise class, etc. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Next, once you have located the relevant emails amongst the haystack of others, pour yourself some coffee (or other beverage), take a deep breath, and sit down to read them.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkB9W_uR8AAwTIAJ3fbYC7ctNGVC32C806PoLNKSqsoEaVoWZrk91k9jUmAUW8T_UME0WTNNVQgWFNtTsLaecP-OZZVghPzgNozCWSUeGiwvfncoyb5xwr_UUk7_F77RZGRWr7UUzSL24/s1600/IMG_0983.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkB9W_uR8AAwTIAJ3fbYC7ctNGVC32C806PoLNKSqsoEaVoWZrk91k9jUmAUW8T_UME0WTNNVQgWFNtTsLaecP-OZZVghPzgNozCWSUeGiwvfncoyb5xwr_UUk7_F77RZGRWr7UUzSL24/s400/IMG_0983.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These kids are way smarter than you might realize. This guy made his own worksheet, and one for his sister, after re-arranging our guest room into a makeshift classroom the day we learned that schools were closing. </td></tr>
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</o:p></div>
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After reading the emails, save them as PDFs or print them, or put them in a special folder, and/or mark them as unread, and add a star/flag/whatever, because you are going to have to find them again. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Now, lay down and have a good cry. My cry was mostly about how sad I feel for my kids, who love their schools so damn much, and their friends, and their teachers. Yes, it’s really nice in many ways to have more time together – but holy shit I am a terrible little-kid teacher and I am definitely not a good little-kid-friend, and our house is not in any way a substitute for a school environment. <o:p></o:p></div>
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After you have a good cry, and feel better even though it doesn’t particularly help anything, wait until the next day. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Try again, this time with your kid. Open the emails. Walk through the instructions step by step with your kid, and let your kid explain the parts you don’t get (“I already know how to do this, mom”). Maybe throw in a little “stop clicking so quickly!” in your best curmudgeonly voice. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Be grateful that (if you are lucky like me), your kid’s teacher/school is amazing, and their expectations are reasonable. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Or, if not, maybe sent them an email. This is all a weird experiment and no one knows what on earth we are doing. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Then hug your kids. And maybe cry a little more. </div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2QVtgdYryrJe9b3SxW1cFB3GncJSClj43KL2Jr7CjSRaR2ohZcX4-GnyfNJOElaeLM28g3fS6aBvPpU5eR_V1p0zUtjVVBF_YeXbMKSNIt9vmh13eWTdnj4HczWD5Y5dL0wdW3RPwkH0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2020-04-13+at+8.41.28+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1104" data-original-width="1600" height="440" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2QVtgdYryrJe9b3SxW1cFB3GncJSClj43KL2Jr7CjSRaR2ohZcX4-GnyfNJOElaeLM28g3fS6aBvPpU5eR_V1p0zUtjVVBF_YeXbMKSNIt9vmh13eWTdnj4HczWD5Y5dL0wdW3RPwkH0/s640/Screen+Shot+2020-04-13+at+8.41.28+PM.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Along the same lines as the first photo, when you have no idea what you are doing, your kids might just come up with their own learning projects. The 4 yr old came up with her own Montessori-based ordering work using these wrenches when I was fixing our car a few weeks ago (the kids did not find watching me get dirty and frustrated very interesting). </td></tr>
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Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-73989616570111752632020-03-09T21:29:00.000-07:002020-03-09T21:29:20.668-07:00How to do your job poorly<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Well hello out there! Long time no overshare! <o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s been a little hectic around here – we’ve been overcommitted at work and spending too much free time (figuratively) banging our heads into a wall fighting crappy development projects, and trying not to be horrible parents and such. So, not a lot of time to write stuff, but I’ve managed to get on top of a few things and finally carved out a few minutes! Feeling really chuffed with myself. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve been reflecting lately on the general concept of work, and how a person gauges their own aptitude and overall “goodness” at a job. I have learned that I personally require a lot of external feedback to gauge whether or not I am doing Ok – I mean, not that I completely listen to people when they tell me I’m being a stubborn asshole, but, as with my sense of time, my ability to self-gauge is….poor. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Some of this is probably “imposter syndrome” – where you feel like you got in the door accidentally, and at any moment, someone will notice that you aren’t supposed to be there, and kick you out. But, some of the <i>je ne sais quoi</i> – “essence” let’s call it – of being good at your job is not related to how <i>well</i> you perform technically, but how <i>productive </i>per unit time you are, or how much <i>money</i> you make, or whatever – I’m sure there are heaps more metrics (“pleasantness” perhaps?) of what makes a person “good” at their job. <o:p></o:p></div>
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ANYWAY. </div>
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The point of this blog is that I was thinking of some really fabulous examples of people being just absolute shit at their jobs, and this in a way is really helpful for me, to give me a nice clear sense of “no, that is not good, do not emulate.” So, in case you, too, struggle with knowing “am I doing Ok?”, I hope these examples help you, as well. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Case 1: Just really not quite getting it<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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This actually didn’t happen to me, but to my mom. I won’t tell the story as well, but I’ll try. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i><u>Scene</u>: at the shoe portion of a department store.</i> <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;">My mom</span>: “Hello, can I please try on this shoe? I wear a size 7 and a half.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">Shoe salesman</span>: “Sure, one moment.” [disappears for a while]<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">Shoe salesman</span>: “Here you are! We didn’t have a 7 and a half, so I brought you a 6 and a half.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;">My mom</span>: <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">Shoe salesman</span>: “Would you like to try them on?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;">My mom</span>: “I. Um. How do you… Um. I….” [bursts into flames]<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYgDMk09SiToD976CwhnWXauoL9BAxtfXYLrQ3YK2-rHQ1n9jRJCJ2bmv9vFJWi-xv9HdcM1xMp4ZLwalgDuSdrhO-HjelIDvdYw18scodFXVIAJJ7oOxgW1OY8LowvHiViaKsOmTr9Bo/s1600/Screen+Shot+2020-01-20+at+10.13.48+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="878" data-original-width="1542" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYgDMk09SiToD976CwhnWXauoL9BAxtfXYLrQ3YK2-rHQ1n9jRJCJ2bmv9vFJWi-xv9HdcM1xMp4ZLwalgDuSdrhO-HjelIDvdYw18scodFXVIAJJ7oOxgW1OY8LowvHiViaKsOmTr9Bo/s400/Screen+Shot+2020-01-20+at+10.13.48+AM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just another day at work for my friend Jessica Meir, performing maintenance outside of the Space Station (OMG, WOW, right?!). This is a good example of a time when a half-assed job just won't do.</td></tr>
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<b>Case 2: Really exemplifying your point very poorly<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Not too long ago, I was at a required training class at work. The class was intended to teach us how to be good workers. Being as I am always feeling a bit overwhelmed, I was excited to find out the secrets to not sucking that I figured everyone else already knew. I expected this would lead to smooth sailing through the days from here out. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i><u>Scene</u>: a windowless room with about 30 adults sitting around groups-of-4 tables with table-tent name tags we were encouraged to decorate to express ourselves.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #45818e;">Instructor:</span> “Now, you are all great at your technical work, and that’s why you were hired. But the ONLY way to succeed in this job, and life in general, is to have good SOFT SKILLS. This means being emotionally intelligent and understanding how to interact with other people effectively.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0;">Me</span>: “I don’t think you mean to say that is the ONLY way to succeed.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #76a5af;">Instructor</span>: “Oh, yes, definitely. If you don’t have good people skills, you will NEVER succeed. You will be a failure.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0;">Me</span>: “I’m pretty sure that’s discriminatory, and illegal.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #76a5af;">Instructor</span>: [completely loses his shit and screams at me, then realizes what he is doing and runs out of the room]<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #93c47d;">Everyone in the room</span>: “Good display of soft skills there, instructor.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Case 3: Act like you are a good person, but then do the exact opposite of what a good person would do<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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This one was inspired by a certain elected official who just really sucks, but I’m sure can be applied to <u>many others</u> across the planet. Perhaps they were all trained by the “soft skills” guy at my work. </div>
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<i><u>Scene</u>: Anywheretown.</i></div>
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<span style="color: #93c47d;">Nominee</span>: You know what I care about? <i>All the things that you care about</i>! Let’s make stuff <u>awesome</u>!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #f6b26b;">Rabble</span>: Yes! Finally! I’m so glad this person cares! I’m totally voting for them.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #93c47d;">Elected person</span>: Awesome guys, thanks so much for electing me! I <i>totally</i> still care about all the things that you care about. This is going to be wonderful.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #f6b26b;">Rabble</span>: Woohoo! <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #93c47d;">Elected person</span>: Now, as I was saying, because we all care so deeply about the same things, I will now take decisive action to <i>completely undermine these things</i>, but I will do so while claiming that I have no other choice, and/or that you are just wrong in thinking that this is bad. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #f6b26b;">Rabble</span>: Wait, but no. We hate that. It is bad. Like, measurably bad.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #93c47d;">Elected person</span>: Well, what did you think was going to happen? I mean, I can’t actually make things better by making decisions that you approve of. That would be too hard.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #f6b26b;">Rabble</span>: But, why?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #93c47d;">Elected person</span>: Well, because <i>someone </i>is going to complain about <u>everything</u>. So, I’ve decided it’s better just to <i>say</i> I care about certain things to sooth everyone’s nerves, and then behind your backs I will just do whatever I want. And then I’ll blame you, if you don’t like it. It’s really your fault for being fussy, you know. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #f6b26b;">Rabble</span>: What the fuck?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #93c47d;">Elected person</span>: I just smelled a rich person. Gotta run! Tootles!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #f6b26b;">Rabble</span>: [scrabbling around] Where are the god damned pitchforks when you need them?!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9YLjYzxYUJ5BgCQzrjhFPmd79I2mZr3Cxh_3rL1N87Aqc-X3NXmFsSAYeaghTs5Hg5BgczEAaVIgCsQN8Z3IQqZVMNS41ABR8JW_o0AHqSSsl8C9Tz8XGfU0vCFVG72u3f-hJ8lVOfG4/s1600/Jess_little_rocks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="894" data-original-width="1600" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9YLjYzxYUJ5BgCQzrjhFPmd79I2mZr3Cxh_3rL1N87Aqc-X3NXmFsSAYeaghTs5Hg5BgczEAaVIgCsQN8Z3IQqZVMNS41ABR8JW_o0AHqSSsl8C9Tz8XGfU0vCFVG72u3f-hJ8lVOfG4/s400/Jess_little_rocks.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Now THIS is some authentic good work. Little Jessica is working super hard here, most likely describing the difference in crystal size and therefore cooling rate of these two igneous rock specimens.</td></tr>
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<b>Case 4: Take all of your stress out on your coworkers<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<i><u>Scene</u>: The conference room, with your core group of coworkers that you really like and respect.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #6fa8dc;">Coworker 1</span>: I have a very reasonable question for you!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">You</span>: FAAAACK. Really? I can’t. Blarggghhhh [rolls on floor for a while]<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #76a5af;">Coworker 2</span>: I mean, that is a very reasonable question. Perhaps you can try to answer it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">You</span>: [bangs hands and fists on floor, shakes head back and forth rapidly] Nooooo!!!! I don’t wannnnnnaaaaaa!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #93c47d;">Coworker 3</span>: Do you need to go home?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">You</span>: My kids have been sick for like a century and I got puked on and did four loads of laundry yesterday and haven’t slept properly in like a decade. Is that what you were asking about? No? Oh. You want me to provide data. OH! Sorry. I thought this was an opportunity to overshare about my personal stresses. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #8e7cc3;">Everyone</span>: [stares]<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">You</span>: Do you feel loved, that I’m comfortable enough with you to lose my shit?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #8e7cc3;">Everyone</span>: [shrugs]<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">You</span>: [looks at notes] Ok, sorry. Looks like...42. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Ok guys! Since Case 4 was me, today, I think I will self-diagnose bedtime now. Hopefully that will put Case 4 on the backburner for a while from yours truly...but in any case, if this coronavirus business keeps on its course, there might be more posts coming soon where this one came from, if we’re all stuck at home! WHOOHOO!</div>
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Do you have a best-worst-job performance story? Please leave it in the comments. It would be such a treat. </div>
Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-20563078222102276052019-05-05T21:50:00.004-07:002019-05-05T21:50:40.884-07:00Actually<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
“Actually, I want to sleep in my bed,” says the 3 year old, after I’ve set up the “foldo” on the floor of her bedroom with pillow and blanket to exacting specifications regarding angle and location. <o:p></o:p></div>
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“Actually, I don’t want my blanket on me,” she says, after re-settling her onto her bed, with pillow and blanket, and following specific instructions on blanket flatness and distance below chin.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Actually, I <i>do</i> want my blanket on me,” she declares, after several minutes of fussing with said blanket to try to make herself into a taco. </div>
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“Actually, I want to sleep on the foldo.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Trying not to yell, I inform her that as long as she stays in her room and has a nap, I do not particularly care where or how she chooses to place her body, but that I am done participating and will be leaving now before I feel the urge to break something. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHHcOQdFPtDEzN9vilFsBZ34YrcNA-u_eEpMEkzObwPcvIkhVmIn9WuLfUrsgzRDxLDpZk6uhIZ6GSoXEFI0-4uLc5tiOqh3E6NTI96hOXFAYJxLpc9AKoxORaRH3WZdzkuuLQIkEJFwo/s1600/IMG_7827.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHHcOQdFPtDEzN9vilFsBZ34YrcNA-u_eEpMEkzObwPcvIkhVmIn9WuLfUrsgzRDxLDpZk6uhIZ6GSoXEFI0-4uLc5tiOqh3E6NTI96hOXFAYJxLpc9AKoxORaRH3WZdzkuuLQIkEJFwo/s320/IMG_7827.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Actually, I no longer feel thirsty, thanks."</td></tr>
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***<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Actually, I’m not sure we made the right choices. I think we should go back and cancel the whole thing,” he says. </div>
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We are currently driving home after spending 4 hours in IKEA spanning the 2 year’s old nap time ordering a kitchen that took weeks of planning, while living in and cooking out of a trailer in the yard. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am grateful to be driving. I keep the pedal pressed to the floor. <o:p></o:p></div>
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***<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Actually, I don’t want oatmeal. I want rice crispies,” she says, as I present her with the bowl of oatmeal I just prepared at her request.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Actually, I wanted the milk on the side,” she says, three milliseconds after I pour the milk into the bowl to commence the snap-crackling. <o:p></o:p></div>
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How convenient, I think. Now I won’t forget to make myself breakfast, I just get to eat two small bowls of rejected food and I’ll be good to go. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHOMIfaWSQXP4SSuzghvXEEHVM8r1BU2Fwh8ypcPFq85YSdWWMycFpfPCOnRysMpYrO058umjs9WoC_5iNaXZ7CTwUXhjy6WqqQnx9C1GbK-wXHWAS4Uapjgcrb8lCYATXbYeD1IRTr1I/s1600/IMG_7369.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: -webkit-standard; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHOMIfaWSQXP4SSuzghvXEEHVM8r1BU2Fwh8ypcPFq85YSdWWMycFpfPCOnRysMpYrO058umjs9WoC_5iNaXZ7CTwUXhjy6WqqQnx9C1GbK-wXHWAS4Uapjgcrb8lCYATXbYeD1IRTr1I/s320/IMG_7369.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Day 1: Hey mom, this is awesome! You can just lick salt directly off the ground!<br />Day 2: Actually....[intestinal mutiny]</td></tr>
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***<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Actually, I think the electricity bill must be so high because you are always washing clothes, and doing the dishes. We should try washing the dishes by hand for a month and seeing how that changes the bill,” he says. “And also, just don’t do so much laundry.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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I try, and fail, not to have an aneurism.<o:p></o:p></div>
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***</div>
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I break down and spend $100 on a replacement electronic control board for the dishwasher. </div>
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Dishwasher, on 1st run: "Sweet! I'm all set now, thanks!"</div>
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Dishwasher, on 2nd run: "Actually, no. I'm going to give you the same problem as before, but thanks for trying!"</div>
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Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-29119250793951522552019-02-03T21:57:00.004-08:002019-02-03T22:01:06.979-08:00How to overshare<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I’ve recently had a massive revelation in my world, and in my normal spirit of oversharing and taking forever to get to the point, am going to tell you ALL ABOUT IT. (The hyperlinks embedded near the end will bring you to relevant articles, if you are inclined to read even more!)<o:p></o:p></div>
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For about as long as I can remember, I have disliked certain aspects of my personality. I wondered why I failed at seemingly simple things, like NOT constantly losing my shoes. I embarrassed myself in social situations (could I be any more awkward?!). Maybe if I just tried harder. Maybe if I just tried *one* more new way of organizing myself, or *one* more new mindfulness technique, I would reach a state of zen and all would be well. </div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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This is a common discussion in our house:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Jess: “Can we talk about x,y,z later? I’m really frazzled.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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Adam: “You’re *always* frazzled.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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This is true. I am always frazzled. But I just thought that if I just could force myself to try a little bit harder, I would get my shit together and wouldn’t be frazzled. But it never happened. </div>
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My shit refuses to get together. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvZNmQNPsckmWXDNWhArwNI4o1f_wDJoNK0KAjJQKCRYHUm_bKmEaqKfMoBXdrtroGusNmQK2el4lKTtgZYeuTNf2_SmhJGfLmo_BVPBFk60Fg7joRreV685K06iwofvJW2rdsH4hlHc4/s1600/adhd_frazz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: -webkit-standard; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvZNmQNPsckmWXDNWhArwNI4o1f_wDJoNK0KAjJQKCRYHUm_bKmEaqKfMoBXdrtroGusNmQK2el4lKTtgZYeuTNf2_SmhJGfLmo_BVPBFk60Fg7joRreV685K06iwofvJW2rdsH4hlHc4/s320/adhd_frazz.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; padding-top: 4px; text-align: center;">I don't actually know why I have this photo. </td></tr>
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These feelings have, not surprisingly, seriously impacted my self-confidence. Maybe that's surprising? By standard metrics, my life is wonderful. I have a PhD. I have a great job. I have a great husband and 2 great kids and a great house and I live in a great town. I have wonderful friends and my body is mostly functional and healthy. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I spend a lot of time laughing and smiling – even when I’m expressing something not-good. “I feel like my life is totally out of control! HAHAHAHA!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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You may be thinking “oh, you are just over-reacting. Other people may exude together-ness, but they aren’t really.” Allow me to demonstrate to you some of my failings:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>The scattered teacher<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Almost all of my teacher evaluations said I was enthusiastic and approachable, and other good stuff. But also, at least ½ of them said my lectures were all over the map and hard to follow. I needed to come to class more organized and prepared. I needed to present things in a more logical, linear and less spider-webby fashion. (Note: I tried. I tried so hard.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>The lost jacket<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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One Christmas, my mom bought me a new snowboarding jacket that I coveted. It was beautiful and cozy and I was so happy. But then I almost immediately lost it. How could I lose an entire jacket? I looked everywhere. I didn't dare ask my mom if she had seen it, because this would be the zillionth time I had lost something, and I didn’t want to admit I had been so careless as to lose such a precious thing. So I took the money I’d had saved in my bank account and bought a new, identical one. <o:p></o:p></div>
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A few days later, I was wearing the new jacket in the kitchen after coming home from school when my mom opened the door to, naturally, the <i>coat closet </i>and lo and behold, there was the original one. It never occurred to me that someone might have picked up my jacket and put it in a logical place on my behalf. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJO7iIfkssbzFFKVd-hy5UHZDh3VXw3LxirR46XtownHIVcA2jFsL5NFsWm8fw_r08UhdbRmXzTONeKES8U9lUgn3QVPScBxPREwgFf3SKIYlPm4Y0AjecEZ8uT7UGNJRdKI0j8h6uOvA/s1600/Adhd_jacket.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJO7iIfkssbzFFKVd-hy5UHZDh3VXw3LxirR46XtownHIVcA2jFsL5NFsWm8fw_r08UhdbRmXzTONeKES8U9lUgn3QVPScBxPREwgFf3SKIYlPm4Y0AjecEZ8uT7UGNJRdKI0j8h6uOvA/s320/Adhd_jacket.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px;">The benefit of having 2 identical jackets = twinsies snowboarding with my friends!<br />
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<i>The out-of-place talker<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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When I was a professor at UMass Boston, I attended an event one day that consisted of experts from around the city coming together to brainstorm practical solutions to environmental injustice in the city. Climate change was disproportionately impacting low-income neighborhoods, and my colleagues hosted this meeting to address the problem. I sat at a table with about ten people who actually knew about this. I know this because we all introduced ourselves before we started the brainstorming activity. I told everyone upfront that I knew I didn’t know enough to contribute and was just here to listen and learn. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This was really true: I know about the science of climate change itself, but knew almost nothing about other neighborhoods of my new city that weren’t on the Red Line, and certainly very little about practical infrastructure-based methods to combat these impacts. Yet, I literally <i>could not </i>stop myself from randomly interjecting things, even when I immediately regretted what I said because I sounded like an idiot. </div>
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I have a long list of examples in my head of times when I have inappropriately interjected something in a professional context and then felt so ashamed when my colleagues looked at me like I had just started doing cartwheels in the back of the room.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>The inability to find words</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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Multiple times a day, I struggle to remember words. I often have to reverse-google them: “what is the thing called that a boat ties up to?” Oh, that’s right, a <i>pier. </i>I often find myself getting really irritated when Adam or the kids ask me a question because it takes so much mental effort to remember the right word to answer them. (For some reason, this irritation doesn’t happen at work, just at home). For about a decade, until <i>yesterday</i>, I thought this was a sign of early dementia or a brain tumor or something. I didn’t want to ask my doctor or anyone else about it for fear of confirming this frightening suspicion.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>The agitation of changing plans<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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I also thought perhaps I was mildly autistic, as I sometimes get more upset than I logically know is reasonable when <a href="https://www.special-learning.com/article/negative_response_to_a_disruption_of_routine" style="color: #954f72;">plans change</a> or things don’t go as I had anticipated. I often have to run through plans in my head multiple times before I do something simple, to help me be able to do it. For example, if the kids fall asleep in the car, I’ll plan out exactly how I’m going to get the kids out of the car and where I’m going to put them inside to continue sleeping. If Adam helps, but does things differently than I had planned out (parking in the “wrong” place, for example), I have been known to freak out.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAIv4J975pGCibPP28_TGG_K8ojo2AQvfcKB4LBqngUagiwXEJFU9OVO16VX8yMrxV9aVraFRiZf8Vc9VtEMYNXcs62EHvDss0FTo7OEwxP7gD4r1LBlDfznHMsjCW3Eu9lALuKGEt6Is/s1600/adhd_shoes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: -webkit-standard; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAIv4J975pGCibPP28_TGG_K8ojo2AQvfcKB4LBqngUagiwXEJFU9OVO16VX8yMrxV9aVraFRiZf8Vc9VtEMYNXcs62EHvDss0FTo7OEwxP7gD4r1LBlDfznHMsjCW3Eu9lALuKGEt6Is/s320/adhd_shoes.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I often spend a very large amount of time looking for my shoes...</td></tr>
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<i>The inability to complete things (at home)<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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I have my shit together at work, more or less. Sometimes I forget meetings, but I don’t miss deadlines and I do a good job. (Unfortunately, if there are no deadlines, things generally do not get done until my guilt overtakes my ability to procrastinate). But at home it’s worse. I am forever starting projects and not finishing them. I start a worm bin and then forget about them and they get all desiccated (sorry, worms). Instead I get a spinning composter but only add stuff to it. Adam points out that perhaps I should pull out the finished compost and use it in the garden. I freak out and yell at him for badgering me about this, because I know this and I already feel mildly guilty; but it just seems like too much work to figure out how and then to do it, so I don't. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When we work on a project around the house together, Adam says at least once “Can you please just finish what you were doing before you start something else?” or “Why can’t you ever put stuff away?” or “Why are you pulling weeds? I thought you were putting that tool back in the shed and then coming back inside.” Well, it’s because I get distracted and suddenly I have to do the next thing rather than finishing the first. Partly it’s because if I don’t do the second thing when I think of it, I’ll forget. Partly it's because the first thing got boring.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>The complete overwhelm of minor tasks<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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I also often can’t do seemingly simple things. “Just login to your bank account and pay this bill that came in the mail.” Doing this requires (1) finding my laptop, (2) not getting distracted by email or one of the 17 tabs I have open while navigating to the website, (3) remembering my password (but usually trying until I get locked out and have to reset it), (4) and remembering what I am doing once I get to the website. This is all hard and exhausting for me, and can take an hour. It takes Adam 5 minutes because none of these things are problems for him.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>The forgetful friend:<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Countless times, I have been in a conversation and asked a question, like “what do you do for work?” that I had learned a few minutes before because the person had <i>just </i>told me. Typically, the person looks at me with obvious concern, probably wondering if I suffer from dementia. This usually happens at parties, conferences, or other loud and busy situations. Unfortunately, it also happens with good friends, and I feel horribly embarrassed that it probably seems that I just don’t care enough to pay attention and remember what is going on with them. Sometimes, I avoid reaching out to friends to get together because I’m so embarrassed that I can’t remember what we talked about the last time we’d seen one another. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikjHFjWxlwH9sX4lXN_BoxeR1InOBhhVyL2roaLaDIeRj9-X1mkl83ZvgJWmbuvILGkXZLR-1migW4V51Pyb_tIlWYp0Umlg4KheHeTwXwxdH-5Q2LJsdPNCuh6yCvbTsZzGw2pwTI3mc/s1600/adhd_creative.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikjHFjWxlwH9sX4lXN_BoxeR1InOBhhVyL2roaLaDIeRj9-X1mkl83ZvgJWmbuvILGkXZLR-1migW4V51Pyb_tIlWYp0Umlg4KheHeTwXwxdH-5Q2LJsdPNCuh6yCvbTsZzGw2pwTI3mc/s320/adhd_creative.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px;">One thing I like about myself: I can be <a href="https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/the-creative-gifts-of-adhd/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">creative</span></a> and artistic when I have the time.</td></tr>
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I could go on about my failings, but I’ll stop there. I’m guessing you won’t be surprised to hear that I suffer from sometimes-intense self-doubt, depression and anxiety. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, what to do about this? <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve been in therapy on and off for much of my life. Each of the times I went to therapy, it was focused on trying to work through and combat these symptoms. But there was always some external stress that these problems could be attributed to – divorce of my parents, peer pressure, teenage angst, sexual assault, becoming a mother. If I could *just* work through my feelings about these problems, I’d be all fixed up. Each time that doesn’t help, I try various antidepressants on and off. This helps a little, but never completely. <o:p></o:p></div>
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AND THEN. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am scrolling through Twitter, which is what I do while I sit next to my daughter as she drifts to sleep. I stumble into this <a href="https://twitter.com/CAwkward/status/1077726114376806400" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">thread</span></a>. It’s as if the author is reading my mind. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I read the <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/04/adhd-is-different-for-women/381158/" style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: blue;">linked article</span></a>. </div>
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Holy shit. </div>
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I so very obviously have ADHD. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I burst into tears. I text the article to my mom. She reads it and writes back: “Well, OMG…get to a psychiatrist immediately!!!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Maybe I am not just broken. Or, I guess I *am* broken, but in a way that makes sense and has an explanation. It’s not a character flaw I can fix by just working and trying harder. I keep failing, over and over, to be the way I’m "supposed" to be, because <a href="https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=mP5cDwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA64&dq=adult+adhd+brain&ots=rkYpzYWY_x&sig=z9SNo1ZjyTM9gBCFbTHNyHexsK4#v=onepage&q=adult%20adhd%20brain&f=false" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">my brain works differently</span></a>. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Suddenly, so much frustration and guilt and sadness and shame is lifted from my heart and placed in a neatly labelled box in my head. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am so relieved.</div>
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Each of the above, plus a bunch of other aspects of my life (working on <a href="http://addfamilycoaching.com/the-myth-of-multi-tasking-and-add/" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">14 different things at once</span></a>, or alternatively getting into <span style="color: blue;"><a href="https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/gyjx3w/people-with-adhd-can-focus-really-hard" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">hyperfocus</span></a> </span>mode when I’m working on something I enjoy or have a <span style="color: blue;"><a href="https://danarayburn.com/living-with-adhd-life-without-deadlines/" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">deadline</span></a> </span>[writing, data analysis, etc.], <a href="https://totallyadd.com/blog/5-superpowers-of-adhd/" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">being pretty darn effective in emergency situations</span></a>) can be linked to different aspects of ADHD:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>The scattered teacher: <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/attention-please/201006/the-adhd-brain-quintessential-supercomputer" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">non-linear thinking/executive function problems</span></a><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>The lost jacket: <a href="https://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-millennial/2018/05/4-reasons-people-with-adhd-lose-things/" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">people with ADHD lose things</span></a><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>The out-of-place talker: <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fast-minds/201303/impulsivity-symptom-adhd" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">i</span></a><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fast-minds/201303/impulsivity-symptom-adhd" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">mpulsivity</span></a><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>The inability to find words: <a href="https://marlacummins.com/adhd-communicating-finding-words/" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">retrieval problems</span></a><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>The agitation of changing plans: <span style="color: blue;"><a href="https://www.bustle.com/p/11-signs-you-may-have-high-functioning-adhd-according-to-expert-64436" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">interference in compensatory systems</span></a> </span>(see #9)<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>The inability to complete tasks at home: <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/15-signs-you-have-adult-adhd/12/" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">shocker: also an ADHD symptom!</span></a><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>The complete overwhelm of minor tasks: <a href="https://danarayburn.com/why-do-adults-with-adhd-struggle-with-distractions/" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">distractibility makes stuff hard</span></a><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>The forgetful friend: <a href="http://honestlyadhd.com/adhd-struggle-starting-stuff-e-task-initiation/" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">poor working memory</span></a><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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This post could be a <a href="https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/ezj4kw/dont-tell-your-boss-you-have-adhd" style="color: #954f72;"><span style="color: blue;">bad idea</span></a>. Maybe it would be better to just keep this personal medical information to myself. </div>
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But, the incredible relief of having figured out exactly why I am the way I am, combined with my impulsive behavior means – HERE YOU GO WORLD! <o:p></o:p></div>
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Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-30373959378380454242018-11-17T08:08:00.000-08:002018-11-17T08:08:16.853-08:00Parenting and marriage are not inherently compatible<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
I’m single-parenting tonight, and trying to avoid election coverage (scarred from 2016? yes), so thought I might dust the cobwebs off of this old blog and write about something near and dear to my heart: kids + marriage = tailspin?! <o:p></o:p></div>
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Important to note: my kids are the most important and best things that have ever happened to me, and I regularly kill spiders with my bare hands to protect them. If needed, I would kill crocodiles or carry them across hot coals; the below should not be interpreted as my having any regrets whatsoever at having them.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Now. Oh my god. No one warned me. I mean, there is perhaps no adequate way of warning people what it will be like to have kids – I’m sure it’s different for everyone (if the vast differences between my two kids are any indication). <o:p></o:p></div>
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However.<o:p></o:p></div>
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An apparently universal problem that women in my general generation seem to have (based on my discussions, with a sample size of around 25ish) is that having a kid is FUCKING HARD ON A MARRIAGE. Nearly everyone I know with kids either did get, or considered getting, divorced the first year after their kid was born. Not one of these women regretted having a kid, but they suddenly wondered: who the freaking hell did I marry? <o:p></o:p><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My brain: "I can do this, right? Please children do not try to leap out. OMG this is NOT STRESSFUL. I am having SO MUCH FUN. Just keep thinking it."</td></tr>
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I say that this appears to be somewhat specific to my generation only because older women I’ve spoken to did not have the same universal “Oh fuck, TOTALLY” reaction as have the younger women, when discussing the sudden feeling that we had been hoodwinked. We got married to someone who loved us for our independence and drive, but then apparently expected us to immediately throw those things out the window once the kids came along and it became abundantly obvious that children require a LOT of attention. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Sorry, older generation, but I partially blame you. You spent our childhoods encouraging us girls to do anything – we could be doctors, lawyers, astronauts! We could become the CEO of an important company, or sail around the world by ourselves! We could climb Everest and spelunk into caves in the deep jungle. <o:p></o:p></div>
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But you forgot to tell us that these things are not effortlessly compatible with having children. And likewise, that without having a wife at home with the kids, it would make our partner’s lives difficult to pursue his own ambitions. And wow is it just a great way to ferment bitterness (I’m not sure I’ll ever get over my hubby thinking it is “fair” that he has gotten to go on several boys’ surf trips post-kids while I have “gotten” to go on work trips). <o:p></o:p></div>
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My particular older-generation relatives have been AMAZINGLY supportive post-kids (to make up for their lack of appropriate warnings that led both my husband and I to run head-long into careers that make it really hard to have kids and not totally freak out from stress?). Our parents have taken weeks and weeks out of their lives to come to our house (in some cases across the country and/or ocean!) to help while one of us was away, and have come with me on work trips to care for the kids. This has allowed us to pursue our not-very-kid-compatible careers. This is wonderful, but not everyone has this kind of support network (which requires both available time and MONEY). <o:p></o:p></div>
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While telling us girls that we could do anything, y’all also forgot to teach the boys that in order for girls to be able to do anything and everything, they have to STEP IT UP in the parenting department. This doesn’t mean changing a diaper now and then, or wearing your baby on a monthly walk, and then sitting back and receiving praise for being SO involved. Nor does it mean playing with the kids while your wife does the housework. No, this means DOING ALL THE THINGS required to keep the household running while mom is doing non-kid-compatible things like working, going surfing, or getting a massage (maybe take a play out of the <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/society/2005/jun/15/childrensservices.familyandrelationships" style="color: #954f72; text-decoration: underline;">Aka tribe</a>’s book?). <o:p></o:p></div>
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While as a kid the idea of being a pharmacist or an optometrist was not as exciting as my goal to become a marine scientist, those jobs are – as I’ve learned from speaking to ladies in these jobs with grown kids – rather compatible with kids. It’s apparently fine to take time off and/or go back to work part-time without falling behind your colleagues and becoming non-competitive for jobs! What?! Plus, hours are flexible, allowing you to hang out with your kids in the morning when they are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and then maybe start work at nap time and let someone else hang out with them for the witching hour. Gosh, that sounds refreshing. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Maybe I still wouldn’t have chosen that path, had I known, but hot damn I would have liked to have made more informed decisions about my life trajectory. <o:p></o:p><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px;">An example of a non-kid-compatible activity that is our preferred way to spend time together: floating down a possibly freshwater-croc infested hot-spring river in the Northern Territory.<br /></td></tr>
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So, what do we do?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Here are my suggestions:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Hang in there through the post-baby relationship nose-dive. You guys got married because you liked each other. You probably still do, it’s just really hard and different. But it gets easier as the kids get older and less demanding. I found that the 1</span><sup style="text-indent: -0.25in;">st</sup><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">birthday was a massive turning point for us. </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Get help. I hear great things about family therapy to help with #1. I’ve benefited from personal counseling as well, because I’m inherently neurotic and hard to live with, thus making the above harder. </span><span style="font-family: "wingdings"; text-indent: -0.25in;">J</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Know you aren’t alone. Your marriage/parenting struggles are (unfortunately) really common and do not necessarily spell doom.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Talk about it with your partner. It’s shocking to me how many times I’ve made assumptions that were contradicted when I finally clearly articulated how I felt. Example: I felt like I was expected to quit my job and become a stay at home mom, but my husband literally laughed and told me he agreed I would suck at that.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Talk about it with your mom friends. I fucking love complaining. It makes it easier to deal with problems.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Teach your boys to step up. Talk about these issues, and brainstorm ways to make them better. Teach them how to do housework (ahem, note to self).</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Let your partner parent. It’s tempting to have one person (usually mom) become the default parent and for them to make the decisions. But it’s not fair. I have had to literally just leave the house to prevent myself from meddling when I think my husband isn’t “doing it right,” but hot damn ladies, if we want our partners to step it up, we have to LET THEM.</span><!--[if !supportLists]--><o:p></o:p></div>
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This post was finished while on the train to my brother and his fiancé’s baby shower. I admit I am worried for them – they are living in different places right now, and he’s in grad school. These things are already really stressful. But, my brother was also one of the first people I left my first infant with alone – he is amazing and I know he will be a fantastic dad. So, this post is also one gift from me for their baby shower, so they can’t say I didn’t warn them!</div>
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</style>Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-29973031918008278902018-09-13T11:19:00.004-07:002018-09-13T11:20:32.895-07:00It's the little things...like text messages<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Our country is a dumpster fire, and it's been hard not to get swept up in constant anger, embarrassment and fear. But it helps to remind myself that most people are good, and that I know a lot of really amazing, good people who care and who make the world a better place. Today I've decided to share just a small sliver of </span>these folks with you, via text messages.<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When I retired an old phone years ago, I decided to scroll through and write down some of my favorite texts I had received on </span>that<span style="font-family: inherit;"> phone (from 2007-2010). These are shared here, totally out of context, but in hopes that they might give you a little smile as well. The photos have nothing to do with anything, but I think they are funny. Thanks to all my friends and family who make my life brighter.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Hey! at saloon and they played red neck woman. r u coming to our bbq?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Hay 6 amigos aqui. F also on way.” <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_m5EyGVYXMugeB8G0PC9tcmLUVBsOTlfNGNIIJY6ZjvRFmydPgjbheaaJFWXk_NPoi9iMBcAHsdXVQyrgqWmf2PCdGZcNsXwetV-DaBuai-x6nLzzBUAbSvrBi3EXfdKVzJM6RbsrQkg/s1600/marine+biologists+eaten+by+kelp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_m5EyGVYXMugeB8G0PC9tcmLUVBsOTlfNGNIIJY6ZjvRFmydPgjbheaaJFWXk_NPoi9iMBcAHsdXVQyrgqWmf2PCdGZcNsXwetV-DaBuai-x6nLzzBUAbSvrBi3EXfdKVzJM6RbsrQkg/s320/marine+biologists+eaten+by+kelp.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Marine biologists eaten by kelp off Pt Loma</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Save the date…Aug. 25!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Mick fanning is world champion”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Ladies who hike. Depart 3:00 from coast. Do it for jesus.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Keep Tahoe Oligotrophic!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“You plan. I follow. Shoe situation is go. See you round 5 ish!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Neighbors, we got needs, plz call if’n can.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Yes we can…Bitches.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I am done! Woo hooo xoxo”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“It’s a girl! No pink items please!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“P’s heart looks good! YAY!!!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I’m out! But I had a blast!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Happy birthday darling! Have a wonderful one!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Rock it Jess! Ill see u at 5!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Just want to say how much I love you!!!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Hey y’all! I passed my state board exam!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“That it incredibly cool and exciting!!! Now we can have our real “doctor to doctor” chats! (this is a real phrase in my business!) xxoxo”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Yes, one needs LOTS of reading material to not go insane…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Spoon!! (god I am funny)”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvfownyklCwKXFyFDX38-h3Pu5bEGKBu806cpiwdlY6XdTGQTakk4tJty4D-Gvy7exQG2VerTeIEl8v9iwuyTZLumjwdH6GhivNlBE6pX1lsaDpOae9fOEsLBpPP4oa1OVxXPVmkk4pnI/s1600/DSC_0675.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="216" data-original-width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvfownyklCwKXFyFDX38-h3Pu5bEGKBu806cpiwdlY6XdTGQTakk4tJty4D-Gvy7exQG2VerTeIEl8v9iwuyTZLumjwdH6GhivNlBE6pX1lsaDpOae9fOEsLBpPP4oa1OVxXPVmkk4pnI/s1600/DSC_0675.jpeg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Australians are hilarious</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Knoon!!! Fove! I think the health care system could use an overhaul. Don’t you? A new idea?! Should I email our pres with the suggestion?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Ah, the famous “c” and “d” words!! Glad someone is looking out for us and protecting us!! Xxo”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I must have totally misread the schedule because I’m sitting on the only train of the morning! Thanks for taking me early!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“ladies. coast retirement is no more. en route to brazil, I am unwritten. live your life with arms wide open. ;) love to all.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I’m in labor!! P should be arriving today :)”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“4:57 am this morning! She’s so beautiful!! 7 lb 2oz, 20 inches long!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Had bebe at 2am, a girl. AJB. 7lb 15oz, 55cm long”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Oh I love typos!! They are the most fin. Hee hee that was a mistake but I am leaving it. Give the girls huge hugs!!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Hey :) Just a heads up that it will just be me at the airport. M booked his flight to sac by accident”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Death to the turkeys”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Well at least it’s just turkeys, not Indians…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Today I am so thankful to be surrounded by amazing, smart, empathetic, loyal women like you who make my life complete!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“C and I are engaged :-) Happened yesterday on a hike in big bear”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcf4mh8ZiZjeYLtORAEvzSUTALxszXQOj-gd21-NjHHk36HV_evDnEYBoysc8vqYhVX3tsN5_bkrEhjTKp4d2Lbre47XfoQTzH1-yxQu4_KorROn-F9SBxz50Cekz8fXHCqIXfx0VlOlA/s1600/Photo+on+9-12-17+at+10.41+AM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1080" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcf4mh8ZiZjeYLtORAEvzSUTALxszXQOj-gd21-NjHHk36HV_evDnEYBoysc8vqYhVX3tsN5_bkrEhjTKp4d2Lbre47XfoQTzH1-yxQu4_KorROn-F9SBxz50Cekz8fXHCqIXfx0VlOlA/s320/Photo+on+9-12-17+at+10.41+AM.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Photobooth weirdness + kids = joy</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Get behind a real team. Like the 9ers! Love D and A”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Yea but the 9ers have 5 superbowls. Exactly how many do the Chargers have? I think it’s a number less than 1”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Wow. I was at SFO at 830PST. I think we should CC each other on every itinerary email from now on! Ridiculous!! :)”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Going shredding right out front sometime around 5ish.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Save me a piece! Love you!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Haha wow taking over ucsd one window at a time!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Bbq and evening surf north side Scripps at 4-5.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Got it all! The best part was when he looked at the order and said “Whoa…” in awe”</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now go send someone a quick message and spread some smiles to crowd out the darkness...and then give someone a hug, too, for good measure. :)</span></span></span>Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-88639801570059934572018-05-09T16:44:00.001-07:002018-05-09T16:44:20.860-07:00The Best Mac-N-Cheese Ever™<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
Well hello, there! I just excavated this website out of layers of cobwebs, because I have something very, very important to share with you: the best Mac-N-Cheese recipe, ever. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Yes, the rumors are true: while I am an amazing scientist, world-class surfer, and perfect mom, I am also an AMAZING cook. My favorite time to cook is at the end of a long day at work, preferably one kicked off by getting up at 4:45 am to hit to gym to maintain (since it’s impossible to improve!) my incredible physique. My favorite people to cook for? My kids, of course! They LOVE my cooking, always. No matter what fantastic new and exciting dish I create, they devour it with delight and thank me for nourishing them with such loving skill. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-size: x-small;">[The photo I would have placed here would have demonstrated how amazing I am as a cook/mom/everything, but I didn't want to make anyone super jealous]</span></o:p><br />
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Now, dear readers, my gift to you is to share at least some of this radical life-success with you, by letting you in on my Mac-N-Cheese making secrets. Get ready to revolutionize your cooking game by following these 15 easy steps!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span> </span>Assemble your ingredients and supplies <o:p></o:p></div>
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<u>Ingredients:</u> <u>Supplies:<o:p></o:p></u></div>
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<span style="text-decoration: none;">Mac-N-Cheese box (preferably the orange kind). </span>Pot</div>
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Water Cup<o:p></o:p></div>
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Pat of butter Butter knife & spoon<o:p></o:p></div>
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Glug of milk Strainer</div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Pour around 4 cups of water into the pot, and set it to boil.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Open the Mac-N-Cheese box, and remove the Cheese packet.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->When the water is boiling, add the pasta to the boiling water (I almost typed “Mac” instead of pasta, but wouldn’t want you to throw your computer in to boil, so I called it “pasta”. Here, “pasta” refers to the “Mac” in “Mac-N-Cheese”, in case that nuance was too confusing).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Now, here’s the important part: empty the packet of Cheese into the cup.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Pour a glug of milk into the cup.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Stir with the butter knife to combine into a nice, thick paste, about the consistency of yogurt. If you added too much milk, that sucks. If you didn’t add enough, glug in a little more and stir.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Wipe the excess <s>reconstituted </s>super amazing Cheese-sauce off the side of the butter knife back into the cup.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Revolutionary step #1</td></tr>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Second important/revolutionary part: Use the butter knife to cut a pat of butter off of your stick or out of your butter-like-substance container, if that’s your bag. Place the knife+butter on the counter near the sink.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdAdmwY8GxjT5BD0IW1QgGDu3q7OfDg8Ef-vtu03hCOlFJ6ljWDV2FeSgPnfPO_Fk2aGjyWNDQEI5P9aWCcGam4u-R2VsncI5o552DNPVz8YRGZHOf5fXt0_YKEgIQHhfGjMmsgMXyUpI/s1600/IMG_3753.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: -webkit-standard; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center; text-indent: 0px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdAdmwY8GxjT5BD0IW1QgGDu3q7OfDg8Ef-vtu03hCOlFJ6ljWDV2FeSgPnfPO_Fk2aGjyWNDQEI5P9aWCcGam4u-R2VsncI5o552DNPVz8YRGZHOf5fXt0_YKEgIQHhfGjMmsgMXyUpI/s320/IMG_3753.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Amazing piece of advice #2</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Check the pasta for done-ness by fishing out a piece with the spoon, running it under cold water, and tasting it. It’s done when it has absolutely no texture left, whatsoever. Kids are allergic to texture.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">11.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->When the pasta is sufficiently done, run cold water into your sink so you don’t melt your pipes, and then drain the pasta into a colander adjacent to the stream of water. Don’t rinse the pot or the pasta with the water.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">12.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Next, possibly the best advice of this entire blog post: tip the pat of butter off of the waiting butter knife into the empty, but still hot pot. Swirl it around so it melts and coats the bottom of the pot.<o:p></o:p></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb5l46XjiCHrsAeAOQynuOD30VdQqR4tPtmel5cqp-_BApPUdlsZDrBh_l63T6hH7tkzS2omIdbjMHD50JujxDwlMq3xGd3f8vGCVxyHQnclyq7p1kATawWxxKxvAe4h_GmXB_ptYeSQ4/s1600/IMG_3754.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: -webkit-standard; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center; text-indent: 0px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb5l46XjiCHrsAeAOQynuOD30VdQqR4tPtmel5cqp-_BApPUdlsZDrBh_l63T6hH7tkzS2omIdbjMHD50JujxDwlMq3xGd3f8vGCVxyHQnclyq7p1kATawWxxKxvAe4h_GmXB_ptYeSQ4/s320/IMG_3754.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Supremely important advice #3</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">13.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Shake around the pasta in the colander so it’s not too soggy, and then pour it back into the butter-coated pot. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">14.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Place the pot back on the stove now, or some other heat-proof surface where the hot pot won’t fuck up your counter. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">15.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Use the butter knife to scrape the prepared Cheese sauce onto your Mac (the pasta! not your computer!), and then use the same knife or your pasta-doneness spoon to stir it all together until each pasta piece is evenly coated in delicious orange goo.<o:p></o:p></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy2dbXydXlBSeutLg72kNlT8NJMhvORNTEV5hy_yG3zpQIyg10RbUEwHnQIi08SjMYkqcLfCJq08WOEk0HLi-GHHM38w7yqydC0sA6B6YbQoFFFX6ujOa1_WD3L1QVheitQRpdKGYNN2E/s1600/IMG_3755.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy2dbXydXlBSeutLg72kNlT8NJMhvORNTEV5hy_yG3zpQIyg10RbUEwHnQIi08SjMYkqcLfCJq08WOEk0HLi-GHHM38w7yqydC0sA6B6YbQoFFFX6ujOa1_WD3L1QVheitQRpdKGYNN2E/s320/IMG_3755.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Do not forget to serve the Mac-N-Cheese in identical dishes, to avoid the fairness fight that is otherwise sure to ensue</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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The technique I have selflessly shared with you tonight will create beautiful, rich Mac-N-Cheese comprised of well-cooked pasta that is properly favored with <s>reconstituted </s>supple cheese sauce without burnt, dried out pasta, dry clumps of cheese-flavored powder, and naked bits of pasta that invariably result from following the instructions on the Mac-N-Cheese package.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I hope you enjoy basking in the adoration of your offspring after you present to them the Best Mac-N-Cheese Ever™. I humbly accept your undying gratitude. <o:p></o:p></div>
Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-69614387217934964822018-01-26T12:49:00.001-08:002018-01-26T12:49:44.045-08:00How women experience parenthood differently from men: Part 3 – the other bits.In parts <a href="http://jessicacarilli.blogspot.com/2018/01/how-women-experience-parenthood.html" target="_blank">1</a> and <a href="http://jessicacarilli.blogspot.com/2018/01/how-women-experience-parenthood_22.html" target="_blank">2</a> of this blog post extravaganza, I discussed the parts of the body that women have for making and feeding babies that men don't. Here, I'll talk about the parts that men DO have, yet don't get traumatized by childbearing in men as they do in women. Remember, because we are women and we are already <a href="https://theestablishment.co/the-science-that-claims-women-are-inferior-to-men-is-bogus-c2a9956acc54" target="_blank">considered inferior</a> in <a href="https://books.google.com/books?id=ZcXWymGTMUgC&pg=PA90&lpg=PA90&dq=women+just+can%27t+do+the+job+as+well+as+men&source=bl&ots=PaHysI3HLR&sig=9lFUY7tDROUS9f0QXD0WPTSpfCU&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiDlOy2ufbYAhVB64MKHTCJBIo4ChDoAQgoMAA#v=onepage&q=women%20just%20can't%20do%20the%20job%20as%20well%20as%20men&f=false" target="_blank">many jobs</a>, we have to endure these physical pleasantries without complaint for fear of giving a bona-fide reason for men to <a href="https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/why-employers-favor-men" target="_blank">think</a> we <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/24/opinion/a-colleague-drank-my-breast-milk-and-other-wall-street-tales.html" target="_blank">aren't up</a> <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/paula-principle-gender-equality-why-women-do-not-get-same-job-opportunities-men-a7642091.html" target="_blank">for the job</a>.<br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="213" src="https://s-i.huffpost.com/gen/1039030/images/o-WORKING-MOM-facebook.jpg" style="-webkit-user-select: none; display: block; margin: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Yes, of course Gary, I already took care of it."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<i>Ye Olde Urination/Excretion
System</i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The urination system
consists of a bag-shaped organ called the bladder that sits under the uterus,
and a tube called the urethra that comes out in front of the vagina to let the
pee out (and probably other parts, but I'm not that kind of doctor). The excretion system (guts) is a long squishy tube all folded up in a
heap above and behind the uterus that comes out the you-know-what. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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Urethra<o:p></o:p></div>
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Did you know that typically the urethra gets bruised while
giving birth vaginally, even for women who gave birth without an epidural and
associated catheter, such that it is painful for weeks afterward? It’s true!
Gosh, women are so lucky to experience such unique and interesting physical
events. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Bladder<o:p></o:p></div>
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While pregnant, the bladder gets seriously abused. The
growing baby pushes on it and kicks it, and hormonal changes create the urgency
to pee constantly, even before that time as well. During pregnancy and after birth, many
women also experience incontinence – whether it be just small leakages of pee
associated with laughing and sneezing, or complete lack of bladder control
associated with pelvic floor trauma. Imagine the trunk of a person’s body as a can: because women have a hole in the bottom of our can that needs to
open up wide enough to let a baby out, the bottom of our can has been completely cut
off and covered by muscles that weaken and stretch out during and after
pregnancy. This means we can’t hold in our pee as well, and also means that our
bladders, uterus, and even our guts can literally <a href="http://coe.ucsf.edu/wcc/AboutBladderProbs_prolapse.html"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">fall out</i></a> of our stretched-out baby
hole. This is called a prolapse and it is freaking horrifying.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Can you go for a run or jump on a trampoline with your kids without fear of peeing all over the place and/or checking to make sure you have the proper absorptive items in place to prevent said pee from running down your legs? No? Welcome to the club. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="180" src="https://ak9.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/8666599/thumb/1.jpg" style="-webkit-user-select: none; display: block; margin: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I can no longer sit on our white couch without fear of leaking pee onto it, so we all just hang out on the floor as a family now. It's quite pleasant!"</td></tr>
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Guts<o:p></o:p></div>
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You know how the baby grows in the uterus, and gets pretty
gigantic? In that uterus is also a thick layer of blood, like we discussed, and
a big jellyfish thing called a placenta. All of these bits take up a lot of
space, and as they grow larger, various organs including the bladder and the
intestines get very smooshed. As the intestines get all squarshed up, it
unsurprisingly messes with a woman’s digestion. We get to experience all sorts
of weird poop and farting issues while pregnant, as well as often debilitating
heartburn. I won’t go into more detail, but let’s just say it’s unpleasant,
like the rest of childbearing. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ye Olde Ability to
Sleep<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ok, this isn’t a
particular organ, but more of a whole-body/brain/hormones thing.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Lack of sleep is a famous part of having an infant. But did
you know it often starts during pregnancy? It’s super difficult to sleep with a
live bowling ball stuffed inside of you, kicking you in the bladder, diaphragm,
and cervix while you are trying to sleep through an overactive bladder and
heartburn. Once the baby is born, it’s often no longer your own body (or your
body’s reaction to the baby kicking you) that wakes you up – it’s the baby
crying for something or another. A lucky mother might have a partner willing to
sacrifice his or her own sleep to get up and attend to the baby, and let the
mother sleep. This was not so much the case for me, since my husband could
sleep through an air raid siren and also has a much higher tolerance for crying
than I do. My kids now generally only wake up once a night, so I mostly sleep
fairly well, but I admit I looked forward to my post-baby hernia surgery simply
for the general anesthetic nap. <o:p></o:p></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="240" src="https://s3-us-west-1.amazonaws.com/blogs-prod-media/us/uploads/2017/03/28181216/2017-nursery-trend-paper-flowers-650x488.jpg" style="-webkit-user-select: none; display: block; margin: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I no longer remember how to sleep, so I use the nights to hand-crate the decor for my daughter's nursery while she kicks my diaphragm - it's such wonderful bonding."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Notice here in this series of blog posts, I generally didn’t
mention anything about parenting that isn’t directly tied to biology. This is
because it is totally possible for a partner who didn’t give birth, isn’t
breastfeeding, and whose body didn’t get torn up by these activities to be
fully engaged and to share the parenting responsibilities equally. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So why do I think it’s fair that women get a helping hand to
succeed in their careers post-baby? Well, aside from the physical difficulties
women experience (most of which aren’t dealt with in any equitable way – we
don’t get naps at work while pregnant, for instance), we also tend to do more
and more annoying <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/why-mom8217s-time-is-different-from-dad8217s-time-1390611191">childcare</a>,
<a href="http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/11/04/raising-kids-and-running-a-household-how-working-parents-share-the-load/">household
management</a>, and <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/05/07/once-the-baby-comes-moms-do-more-dads-do-less-around-the-house/?utm_term=.0788072581c2">housework</a>
once we have kids – even in families where the dads WANT to be, and THINK they
are being egalitarian. It’s kind of a raw deal trying to be a mom and
succeeding at the rest of life, so I think we deserve all the help we can get.
If that help comes in the form of partners who take on more of the burden to offset the
physical and emotional labor that women put into childrearing, that’s all well
and good. But until that happens for realsies, a little money for moms to hire someone to help around
the house is a great start.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I'm sure I'm forgetting more unpleasantries associated with the biological production of babies, so feel free to add them in the comments! </div>
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Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-702435489313959552018-01-22T13:56:00.003-08:002018-01-22T13:56:55.049-08:00How women experience parenthood differently from men: Part 2 – the baby feeding bits.If you weren't scared off with all the anatomical talk yesterday, here's some more for ya - another arena men don't "get" to fully experience when it comes to parentage...boobs!<br /><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-outline-level: 1;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ye Olde Breasts<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Two bags of tissue
underneath the nipples, that come in various shapes and sizes that often don’t
live up to media-driven expectations and make under- and over-endowed women
feel bad about themselves. Breasts produce milk for babies.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-outline-level: 1;">
Breastfeeding<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, you’ve somehow made it through the childbirth or
adoption of an infant process. You wish to feed your infant as nature intended,
from your breasts. Sometimes, this works and your breasts produce the right amount
of milk and the baby figures out how to breastfeed, and breastfeeding is convenient for your life situation, and everyone is happy. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
More
often than not, the breasts either produce too little (requiring formula – what
an amazing, baby-saving invention) or too much (causing pain and misery for the
mother, and angry babies who can’t understand why they are being water-cannoned
every time they try to nurse). Or the baby can't figure out how to latch. Or gets too frustrated by the start-up patience required.</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_W3pdPquykrbbAEt3ZVe57zaD5pFNo0MZv0Ovbbs7Rj6PYgzPjckRZmve4RxOnFQn3hUFOfu_eLYNgSgcm9bnqdMVrCBnBzPLDGA8wIOMkZCXsTNLaglfHSMMHJiIwtzUEV8B8hgu4W8/s1600/IMG_5373.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="428" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_W3pdPquykrbbAEt3ZVe57zaD5pFNo0MZv0Ovbbs7Rj6PYgzPjckRZmve4RxOnFQn3hUFOfu_eLYNgSgcm9bnqdMVrCBnBzPLDGA8wIOMkZCXsTNLaglfHSMMHJiIwtzUEV8B8hgu4W8/s320/IMG_5373.JPG" width="214" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ok that satisfied face is pretty dang sweet, though.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Aside from problems like these, blocked ducts are common and can be
extremely painful (the recommended solution is to freaking <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">massage</i> the tender, painful part of your breast), and can lead to
mastitis – a bacterial infection of the boob that causes a woman’s entire body
to ache like she has the flu. Oh right, and for both of these, we are supposed
to <i>keep nursing</i>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Other problems with breastfeeding include:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Raw nipples. Especially in the beginning before
there is much milk, your infant may want to nurse constantly, and often incorrectly,
causing all sorts of soreness and even cracking and cuts. This is an excellent
way to start an infection, too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->It takes forever. I think I spent about 8 hours
a day nursing my infant son, because he was super freaking slow and would fall asleep and
have to be coerced to wake up and eat more. Thank goodness for time off, a comfy couch, and
good books.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->It makes you really thirsty and hungry. I can’t
believe the number of times that I desperately begged my husband to bring me a
cup of water, while trapped nursing for an hour, and he kindly brought it and
then placed it JUST OUT OF REACH. Torture. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->It’s messy and awkward at first. Did you know
that the baby has to suck for a while to get the milk to start flowing, and
then it will “let down” and suddenly start coming out in force? Did you know
that it comes out from both boobs at once? Useful if you have twins nursing
together, but otherwise just a great way to soak through your nursing pads and
shirt. The milk still continues to come out when the baby gets distracted and
randomly unlatches, spraying everywhere.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">e.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->It can be embarrassing. We are generally raised
not to flash our nipples in polite company. Despite the best intentions of
those companies that make breastfeeding covers, I could never get my kids to
nurse under a blanket. Once the baby is on, if they stay on, there’s not a lot
showing, but the initial hoisting-up of the shirt and hoisting down of the
nursing bra cup, etc. can be rather embarrassing. My most awkward encounter was
when Ryder was 6 weeks old and I was at the Scripps Institution of Oceanography
reunion party at the American Geophysical Union conference. I retreated to a
quiet corner, got set up to breastfeed, and just then an old male professor
came up and started talking to me. I’m not sure if he was genuinely unaware of
or unbothered by what I was doing, but he just kept talking to me as if it was
totally normal that I was busy whipping out my boob at a work event. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">f.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Babies get teeth. Enough said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">g.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Parental imbalance. The existence of and ability
for mothers to breastfeed can create a sort of “well, you are naturally better
at this so why don’t you do everything” attitude. I can’t count the number of
times a crying baby was foisted on me with the words “s/he’s hungry” even if I
was 99.9% certain s/he was not and I just wanted 5 minutes to take a freaking
shower/eat/brush my teeth/stare at the wall alone. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieqQKX9rSKEKrEiG_xxdkk471UadvNT9mPCBpYCeTUU9wc9gXH5NPri5rf-JqjMvye5ZMUu98282MNYiVPImdKfv53SUXktzz_mH6fL3-2rQJbjWIKigTFKK9NSfUHCGHEhXLPBt2a7L0/s1600/IMG_5466.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center; text-indent: 0px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieqQKX9rSKEKrEiG_xxdkk471UadvNT9mPCBpYCeTUU9wc9gXH5NPri5rf-JqjMvye5ZMUu98282MNYiVPImdKfv53SUXktzz_mH6fL3-2rQJbjWIKigTFKK9NSfUHCGHEhXLPBt2a7L0/s320/IMG_5466.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This baby totally pretended to take a bottle up until I went back to work. Grr.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">h.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->It makes you sleepy. Breastfeeding releases
hormones including oxytocin and prolactin, which can make a woman really tired. Therefore, even
if we were really clever and could type while nursing, for example, we
generally aren’t really 100% up to it because we are flooded with hormones that tell us "Stare at your cute baby! Relax! Take a nap!". <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">i.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Pumping. Moms who go back to work and want to
continue to breastfeed generally have to use electric (or manual) pumps to
simulate nursing. This alleviates the inevitable pain associated with over-full
breasts at work, allows moms to bottle the milk to leave behind when they are
away, and keeps the breasts producing milk as needed. But it’s time consuming,
messy, and requires a lot of parts that have to be remembered, washed and
stored properly, etc. It's also practically impossible for the milk to be released if you are stressed, such as if you have to pump in an awkward location like the bathroom or you are worried your colleagues might walk in on you.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Fun story: I flew to Hawaii for
work while nursing, and brought all the parts except the dang power cord for my
electric pump. I didn’t have my own rental car and was at the mercy of my male
colleagues, who thought I was really weird for continually and frantically asking
whether we might happen to be driving past an electronics store. Finally, 24
hours in and almost debilitated by pain, I thought to explain: “It’s a medical
problem, and I need to buy a power cord immediately.” “Oh, I thought you just
wanted to charge your phone. Let’s go!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
Another one: I had to pump on the plane from Australia once. There were no outlets in the bathroom, so the stewardess literally suggested, and I had to, pump in my seat with a blanket over me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
I was lucky not to have to pump on fieldwork, but have heard many horror stories.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
Also, pumping releases the same
sleepifying hormones as nursing…just exactly what you want flooding your body in the
middle of your work day. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">j.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Boobs are great. My babies loved nursing so
much, they refused bottles. Like, “I will starve myself all day and scream for as
long as you try to give me that second-rate crap” kind of refusal. <span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">This led to
one of my favorite stories:</span></div>
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Jessica: “Ryder
will only take milk from me, so I'd like permission to work from home.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Boss: “Why don’t
you have Adam wear your perfume?” (Do you think I wear perfume?)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in; text-indent: .25in;">
Jessica: “No, I
mean he doesn’t want milk from a bottle, just from me.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Boss: “Oh, you
mean he wants the TIT!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in; text-indent: .25in;">
Jessica: * <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">grimace</span> *<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKe2pqrsAeF5BURHr9Z7cNKQqME8eNt_Smq8uWoKnR5WpNZG6Y0dNhctt-SNSN-98WqIU7L7mCumAuGN_Eh4RoN9k6tsCwfkcrdbJuPBVTyAHNJ_XTYhP06U8U1o7W80QLwPvWQk3AKWI/s1600/IMG_6453.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center; text-indent: 0px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1207" data-original-width="1600" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKe2pqrsAeF5BURHr9Z7cNKQqME8eNt_Smq8uWoKnR5WpNZG6Y0dNhctt-SNSN-98WqIU7L7mCumAuGN_Eh4RoN9k6tsCwfkcrdbJuPBVTyAHNJ_XTYhP06U8U1o7W80QLwPvWQk3AKWI/s320/IMG_6453.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Luckily she loved and still loves food, so she didn't starve herself at daycare despite not taking bottles (unlike my son).</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">k.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Weaning…ugh. I nursed Adelaide way past age two
because she would cry so pathetically when I would tell her she was old enough
and I wanted to stop nursing. Finally, I explained: “Producing milk for you is
hurting my body, and I need to stop.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: .25in;">
Adelaide, contemplating: "Ok, can I have milk in a cup?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: .25in;">
Me: “Yes! Of course!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Not sure why I didn’t think of that
sooner. The “hurting my body” part was maybe a little extreme – I was actually just
vainly frustrated that my metabolism had gone to shit while nursing, and over
it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So, men, tell me how your taking leave to go to the park and
the beach and read to your baby, and then jump on the computer and perfect that
Matlab code without the necessity to nurse, pump, take care of f-ed up nipples, sleepiness related to said nursing and pumping, etc. is equivalent? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stay tuned for the last part of this uber-TMI series: the
other bits!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
p.s. if you are interested in learning more about the science behind breastfeeding in mammals - check out Katie Hinde's awesome <a href="http://mammalssuck.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Mammals Suck...Milk!</a> blog</div>
Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-27635693285488501342018-01-21T14:03:00.000-08:002018-01-22T13:15:08.164-08:00How women experience parenthood differently from men: Part 1 – the baby making bits.I scroll through Twitter while snuggling my daughter to
sleep every night…perhaps that is rude but I could (maybe I will) write a whole
blog post on why I think it’s A-ok. The other night, I came across a Tweet
about an <a href="https://work.qz.com/1156034/nobel-prize-winner-christiane-nusslein-volhard-is-helping-women-scientists-pay-to-outsource-household-chores/" target="_blank">awesome scholarship</a> available for early-career women scientists to
cover childcare, housecleaning, or other necessities that could free up their
time to ensure greater scientific success. Of course, because we are women and
can’t have nice things, apparently, <a href="https://twitter.com/nick_thielen/status/941774796924358659" target="_blank">a dude</a> had to complain about this being
unfair and sexist. Men are parents, too! Why only help the women?<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Ah, well.
This is of course the argument that white people make when there are
scholarships aimed towards people of color – the entire point is that white
people and/or male people generally have advantages that mean people of color
and/or women cannot easily compete. The playing field is not even. Do you go to
soccer games and expect one team to play with their shoelaces tied together?<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know many men think that they pull their weight when it
comes to parenting. Overall men <a href="http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/03/14/modern-parenthood-roles-of-moms-and-dads-converge-as-they-balance-work-and-family/" target="_blank">do more</a> parenting these days than they typically
did historically. But there are fundamental differences associated with having
children that affect women differently from men. Perhaps you’ve heard about
some of these differences, maybe during Sex Ed in middle school, but since it
seems like at least some people in the population have forgotten this
information, let me explain. With Parks and Rec gifs because it's easier than finding photos right now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ye Olde Uterus<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">This is a bag-shaped
organ underneath the stomach of women inside their bodies. It’s where babies
grow like creepy alien parasites. Men don’t have this organ.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ye Olde Ovaries</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Two little
grape-shaped things connected to the uterus via tubes. These things make eggs,
which move down into the uterus; if circumstances are right, they might get
fertilized by sperm that swims up into the uterus and make a baby. Men also do
not have ovaries.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The uterus and ovaries work together to lead to the
following women-only, not-always-awesome experiences:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Periods<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The ovaries of human women tend to take turns releasing an
egg for potential fertilization every month. Thus, the uterus gets ready to
potentially host a baby each month by building up a thick layer of blood all
around the inside that would act as a cushion to protect a hypothetical growing
baby so that women who dare do things like surf or fall down or accidentally
bump their midsections into countertops might still be able to bear a live
child. However, if the released egg doesn’t get fertilized, then the uterus
decides it had better just shed that lovely blood cushion so it can make a
fresh one the next month for another hypothetical baby (seems kinda wasteful of
good blood, no?). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="320" src="https://giphy.com/embed/tn3eEJ1EWPkNa" width="480"></iframe><br />
<a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/period-tn3eEJ1EWPkNa">via GIPHY</a><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pregnancy<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the human species, women grow children inside of themselves.
The babies typically grow in the uterus, although less frequently, an embryo
starts growing in the fallopian tubes that connect the ovaries to the uterus
(an <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3213855/">ectopic pregnancy</a>),
which will require an abortion (either occurring spontaneously or medically
induced) or kill the mother. If the embryo implants in the uterus as
biologically planned, the woman then gets to experience up to 10 months of
growing a baby inside of her own body until the baby is born (hopefully live
but sometimes very sadly stillborn), is miscarried, or is aborted (or, in very
rare circumstances, dies and remains in the body and becomes <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lithopedion">calcified</a>). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pregnancy, you may know, it not a walk in the park. During
the first trimester, or even beyond, the woman may feel like will, or actually
does, go around <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morning_sickness">puking</a>
constantly. This can be rather debilitating; if you get seasick, imagine
experiencing that lovely feeling for months with no possibility of getting off
the boat. The woman may also feel <a href="https://www.livescience.com/50713-pregnancy-sleep.html">tired</a> while
pregnant, and may require frequent and/or unexpected naps, possibly in weird
places like the middle of a hiking path (why yes, I do know this from personal
experience). She also may need to pee constantly, experience aches and pains,
have trouble breathing, and a whole host of other horrible <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/pregnancy-week-by-week/in-depth/pregnancy/art-20046767">side
effects</a>. For goodness sake, there are entire books on weird crap your body
does during pregnancy. The baby is literally a parasite and a woman’s body will
generally rob itself to provide what the baby needs – calories, vitamins and
minerals, oxygen – before allowing the mother to have the leftovers.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If crazy physical symptoms weren’t enough, pregnancy also
screws with a woman’s brain as her body is flooded with different hormones
along the way. Plus, her uterus and the baby inside expand to ridiculous
proportions, stretching the crap out of her stomach muscles and skin, and
smashing all of her other internal organs up into (or, in the case of my
gallbladder, onto) her rib cage. Then of course there are all the invasive
tests and treatments women get to experience while pregnant – ultrasound wands
up the hoo-ha, glugging bottles of partially-dissolved sugar, blood tests and
shots and hands in private places. All while forgoing alcohol, caffeine,
hot-tubs and other pleasantries.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Beyond these, some women experience serious
pregnancy-related illnesses that can lead to permanent disability or death for
mother or baby like <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/preeclampsia/symptoms-causes/syc-20355745">preeclampsia</a>
and its relatives, and <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cholestasis-of-pregnancy/symptoms-causes/syc-20363257">cholestasis</a>.
It’s just basically physically insane, and men experience none of it
first-hand.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="274" src="https://giphy.com/embed/VdWAdBxnV5sSQ" width="480"></iframe><br />
<a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/parks-and-rec-ron-swanson-VdWAdBxnV5sSQ">via GIPHY</a><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Infertility<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At the other end of the spectrum, some couples who wish to
become pregnant, can’t. Ok, true; in some cases, the man is the problem, and he
might have to undergo unpleasant tests or treatments to get his sperm into the
right place at the right time to make a baby. But then the lady still has to
endure the above pregnancy stuff. Otherwise, AND most of the time even when the dude is the problem, the woman typically gets to jab
herself with needles for weeks on end, purposefully whacking out her hormones
to produce extra eggs and then gets to undergo minor surgery to remove the eggs
with a needle up the vagina for fertilization in the lab, and transfer back
into the uterus (I’m guessing with a turkey baster, but maybe something more
professional). But I’ll give the men who have to undergo actual surgery or [<a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/male-infertility/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20374780">redacted</a>]
ultrasound some props. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Miscarriages<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not all pregnancies <a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/17/miscarriage-cause_n_4116712.html">go
well</a>. Many end up failing before the baby is completely cooked for one
reason or another – often because of genetic abnormalities because biology is
messy. Miscarriages are more common earlier in the pregnancy, but can occur
much later too; the longer into a pregnancy, generally the more physically and
emotionally painful this can be. Not all miscarriages resolve naturally.
Sometimes the baby dies but remains in the uterus, which can require medication
or minor surgery to resolve. A womans’ hormones and body take time to <a href="http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-loss/physical-recovery-after-miscarriage/">recover</a>
after a miscarriage. It’s a time of sadness and physical pain, usually borne
quietly and alone; pregnancy loss is an uncomfortable subject for most everyone
even though more women have gone through it than you might think. Sure, men may
be saddened by losing a baby, but they don’t physically endure any consequences
associated with the loss. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Childbirth<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh, the most infamous of experiences unique to women. The
range of childbirth experiences is incredibly diverse, but most include intense
pain, exhaustion, and temporary or long-term damage to a woman’s body.
Childbirth is <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maternal_death">still dangerous</a>
in many parts of the world, even those with advanced <a href="https://www.npr.org/2017/05/12/527806002/focus-on-infants-during-childbirth-leaves-u-s-moms-in-danger">healthcare</a>
systems. Myself and many friends had close calls – either the mother or baby
would definitely have died without significant interventions. Two friends lost
seemingly healthy full term babies during or immediately after birth; the
unfairness of life is sometimes staggering. Close calls include births that
required C-sections such as a frank breech (butt first) baby who would have
never fit out the birth canal, and several babies with cords wrapped too
tightly around their necks to be born vaginally. My own dumb cervix refused to budge
at all after 24 hours of labor despite all the midwifery tricks in the book,
until I got an epidural (ah, what a miracle of an invention), and then I had a
massive hemorrhage when my son finally arrived. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://giphy.com/embed/n60aPuXZLJNiU" width="480"></iframe><br />
<a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/angry-pissed-off-n60aPuXZLJNiU">via GIPHY</a><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recovery from childbirth is also physically rough – many
women have stiches, either in their delicate lady parts from tears or <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Episiotomy">episiotomy</a>, and/or in their
abdomens from a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesarean_section">cesarean.</a>
Many can’t even walk for a few days after childbirth. Even without experiencing
a traumatic labor, once the baby is no longer occupying the uterus, a woman’s
deflated, stretched-out stomach muscles are about as useful for helping her
sit, stand, walk, and perform as normal as a swimsuit is useful as during a
space walk (Ok, maybe analogies are not my forte). Oh, we also bleed ridiculous, frightening amounts during this time (because of course, our uterus blood cushion has served its purpose and needs to go away).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Often, a woman’s abdominal muscles are not only super
stretched and pathetic after childbirth, but can physically separate from one
another, leading to difficulty regaining core strength, associated lower back
pain, and sometimes hernias. Fun fact: it’s only normal to have an “outy” belly
button when you are an infant or little kid or actually pregnant…if it
continues to stick out you likely have an umbilical hernia which requires
surgery. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So tell me, men – how many physically and emotionally
debilitating experiences have you had to work through to prove that men are
just as capable as women? <o:p></o:p></div>
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Stay tuned for Part 2 – Feeding the baby!<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
*Updated 1/22 with a few tidbits thanks to my lovely lady friends</div>
</div>
Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-27572472484084362662017-10-11T08:00:00.000-07:002017-10-11T08:05:03.422-07:00Why I left academia, part 5, or: Send in the Navy!<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8px;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Just as I was feeling like something in my life was going to give - my sanity, my kids’ sanity, my marriage, or someone’s health, I was offered a position at the Navy in San Diego. My husband had been collaborating with some folks there, and they had come to learn of our less-than-ideal living situation. They had a looming retirement, and saw a fleeting chance to fill that slot and an opportunity to help our family become whole again. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyR05u9FLUU0Mqk97g6kDuIJ8KZ-6yzN8N4Rsmbs23G57WN_jDlz3SJ-_RAaZDkfGTOFAJk9q_RI2WJuWdZNtV2NSaItilpHeKZ2QMYWsRWuqxOenm9YiK0OibfzoylROAIuo2kd6doH4/s1600/14639658_10154261640264934_8538453143125213360_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyR05u9FLUU0Mqk97g6kDuIJ8KZ-6yzN8N4Rsmbs23G57WN_jDlz3SJ-_RAaZDkfGTOFAJk9q_RI2WJuWdZNtV2NSaItilpHeKZ2QMYWsRWuqxOenm9YiK0OibfzoylROAIuo2kd6doH4/s320/14639658_10154261640264934_8538453143125213360_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There's a lot to miss about Boston</td></tr>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The position they offered me was to be the “relief” for a retiring scientist who ran the scientific diving program and coral reef research at SPAWAR (Space and Naval Warfare Systems) Systems Center Pacific (or SSC PAC for short). The catch was that the window was short – I had to start before the next president came into office, as it was rumored that a Federal hiring freeze was going to occur, just a few short months away. I spent as much time as I had searching my soul, talking to friends from Scripps who work at the Navy, thinking about my students, and trying to decide if I should jump ship. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">In the end, as you have guessed by now, I decided to leave at the end of the fall semester. The hardest part was telling my graduate students. One of them took it very hard. I don’t know that he’ll ever forgive me, but despite my pretty suddenly ditching him, that student completed the initial work he had started with me and wrote it up to receive a master’s degree a few weeks ago. I’m incredibly proud of his persistence. My other student is luckily less completely abandoned, since his other advisor is still in Boston; he managed to fight cancer while I was moving coasts and continues to persevere toward his degree despite logistical and other challenges thrown his way. Rock stars, both.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">In the end, I left academia because I felt like I couldn’t hack it. I chalked it up to my living away from my husband, but now that we are back living together I think that even if he had moved to Boston and we had stuck it out, I would have failed. I don’t like working more than 40 hours a week. I feel like I barely get to spend quality time with my kids and husband as it is; if I were to spend weekends and evenings working, as expected and required to thrive in academia, I would shrivel up into a miserable prune. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">My new job is not without stress; but to me, at least so far, the stress is compartmentalized and manageable. The job is doable and the requirements are concrete. The people are kind and understanding. My colleagues at UMass Boston were kind, but not entirely understanding. This is nothing specifically against them - I am pretty sure that all academics live in a world in which expectations and norms are different, and that most of them are Ok with this. At my new job, no one expects after-hours or weekend work (unless for travel or fieldwork, of course). Of course some people do work longer hours, particularly just before proposals are due or other deadlines, but it is not standard and expected, which is the difference. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhVP6p5HM9PIiiluGdANnvZze2GktKQUTuEI8czd-SFBLS3OqWJ24VfCxvd_YbEIHfeh8qH1-GIUhYe2itFIMaWZPdgSF9LzyTJzkGHbZ0zLtjhZm90OZwIKmoJ44JBXuXoI1189oQvRo/s1600/17424743_10154746738599934_1771048121703482457_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhVP6p5HM9PIiiluGdANnvZze2GktKQUTuEI8czd-SFBLS3OqWJ24VfCxvd_YbEIHfeh8qH1-GIUhYe2itFIMaWZPdgSF9LzyTJzkGHbZ0zLtjhZm90OZwIKmoJ44JBXuXoI1189oQvRo/s200/17424743_10154746738599934_1771048121703482457_n.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fieldwork in Pearl Harbor - a bit<br />
different from drilling coral cores!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I do feel sometimes like I failed, and that I’m not as good a scientist as my friends who are succeeding in academia. Maybe I’ll always feel that way, and wonder if I could have hacked it, had things been different. But I know that I am not failing as a mom anymore, and this is more important to me. Ryder has a hard time believing it (Kindergarten is now school #10 or 11 for him - I've lost track; he’s lived in 7 different apartments/houses over his not-quite 6 years), but when I assure him we aren’t moving houses or schools anytime soon, his comforted smile warms my heart.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">San Diego has problems - the traffic sucks, we have no water, our neighborhood is mostly white and affluent, and we have to drive to everything. But I have to admit that if they’ll let me stay, I don’t want to move anymore. I’m a government scientist and so incredibly proud of it. </span></span></div>
Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-36625888499648969232017-10-10T08:00:00.000-07:002017-10-10T08:25:37.402-07:00Why I left academia, part 4, or: Realizing you don’t actually know how to swim, very far from land<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8px;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">By the fall of 2015, Ryder was on his 7</span><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><sup>th</sup></span><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"> daycare/preschool, and there were more changes to come. Each time we went back and forth between coasts, I had to find a new spot for him in care, and each time we returned to Boston I had to find a new living situation. Adding his sister to the equation just made this even more difficult. When I returned post-maternity leave for another winter in Boston, this time with two kids, I opted to sublet an apartment in Somerville walking distance from friends. The apartment came with a car and an underground parking garage – I felt totally ready for the snow this time. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I was able to get Ryder back into the UMass Boston Early Learning Center, and after much grief and stress, I found a spot for Adelaide at the closest infant center in Dorchester. It was in a city government building, surrounded by fish-packing plants and a few blocks from a methadone clinic. In other words, I didn’t totally love the neighborhood, but the daycare itself was lovely. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYKO4RuODUrA9pjgLqzh-79aXc99oGbuwaCfqoDXH7zCV4wuqECFRWNPl_jsbhEwoku6xc9B5uFAIl9wwjNV_OK9yuSOvQXNV7zDEfid5n62sXNIxz9A75aayO3i86TbEtx6-KbSyENXA/s1600/12670115_10153638718619934_2661136932259222056_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYKO4RuODUrA9pjgLqzh-79aXc99oGbuwaCfqoDXH7zCV4wuqECFRWNPl_jsbhEwoku6xc9B5uFAIl9wwjNV_OK9yuSOvQXNV7zDEfid5n62sXNIxz9A75aayO3i86TbEtx6-KbSyENXA/s320/12670115_10153638718619934_2661136932259222056_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Elevatoring down to the garage</td></tr>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Getting the kids into the car in the covered basement was logistically much easier than walking to the T, but with two kids to drop off in different places and the tunnel under the city always jammed with traffic, we still spent about 3 hours commuting on a good day. Since it was my second year at work, expectations had increased as had my service requirements, so I would work from 8 pm – 10 pm or so every night after the kids went to sleep. I usually also got up at 5 am or so to make lunches and coffee and get myself dressed so I could enjoy the kids for a bit in the morning before we ran out the door. I did actually love the commute time in some ways; the car was so much quieter than the Redline, it allowed us to sing and tell stories and have snacks when no one was crying. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">During that semester, many colleagues decided it was time to provide their guidance on what I needed to do to reach tenure. Their advice was invariably conflicting when it came to work – how much to focus on teaching vs. scholarship vs. service was a big source of disagreement. Another was how to comport myself as a woman faculty member and a mom. The advice regarding how to logistically survive as a mother on the tenure track was just depressing.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">One woman told me about her childcare situation when she had a baby: an older woman down the street watched her daughter. If she was going to be home late, she would feed her daughter dinner. If she was going to be home even later, she would bathe her daughter and get her in PJs. If she wouldn’t be home at all, the woman would put the baby to sleep at her house so my colleague could pick her up the following evening. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJy-Sv013Z2QXL1s1ZwUFTuDRnjyUhqUL-Z79JpGFp_pcaPunNClBqsvVXeXdJe2HUSm81xgN8VXHMjAKuQyr8XKOLSH507Tgfl9dWy6cJkGIhDNPBQKsGq0ci0iiSSVXVgkmsExfOWqg/s1600/13173715_10153860901469934_7952463783803134158_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJy-Sv013Z2QXL1s1ZwUFTuDRnjyUhqUL-Z79JpGFp_pcaPunNClBqsvVXeXdJe2HUSm81xgN8VXHMjAKuQyr8XKOLSH507Tgfl9dWy6cJkGIhDNPBQKsGq0ci0iiSSVXVgkmsExfOWqg/s320/13173715_10153860901469934_7952463783803134158_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A good book to make you feel inadequate</td></tr>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">One women had a stay-at-home husband and worked late every night. Another’s husband was under-employed and did most of the childcare and household chores. Another had no children. Another seemed to not actually enjoy her child, and remarked that the child spent close to the maximum number of allowed hours in care every day. The only female colleague with a family situation close to mine seemed to be doing poorly on the work-front; she admitted to me that she was almost certain she would never be promoted. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I haven’t yet mentioned my graduate students, which is cruel. They were the best part of my stint on the tenure track. One student started while I was on maternity leave. He settled himself in and kept busy with classes. The next semester we went on fieldwork together to the US Virgin Islands, with assistance from the kids, my mom, and husband. My student was amazing and spent time getting to know my kids and family; in addition to being a good scientist, it was clear he was a good person and this was wonderful to experience. My favorite times at UMass Boston included hours spent working with him in the lab to develop procedures, discuss problems, and talk about ideas. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">My other student was jointly advised by myself and a colleague at another Boston institution. His master’s project stemmed out of a research cruise I helped prepare for while I was extremely pregnant in San Diego; I spent weeks acid-cleaning what felt like a million bottles and other equipment that would be used to collect ocean water for trace-iron analyses, and to conduct an on-board aquarium experiment. I purposefully carried around carboys of MilliQ that were much too heavy and spent hours on my feet while experiencing relentless but ineffective contractions – still, my dumb body refused to just go into labor without medical help. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to separate that project from those slow and painful weeks. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjddPHcLPQFcbFO09H0zJPDCSKuHO7k9xaXBFDw8rHTdu9e1eJeblkiDhoQPuWIabd4c1XRZpzj6h_c98DKueZsuJ-QQQ1lfzYGxIWL6MwyhBDrc6lfKIHF70H9dWuUAEBL3s-HLcI9KL4/s1600/1914009_10153713824274934_3409260976441639245_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjddPHcLPQFcbFO09H0zJPDCSKuHO7k9xaXBFDw8rHTdu9e1eJeblkiDhoQPuWIabd4c1XRZpzj6h_c98DKueZsuJ-QQQ1lfzYGxIWL6MwyhBDrc6lfKIHF70H9dWuUAEBL3s-HLcI9KL4/s320/1914009_10153713824274934_3409260976441639245_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Touristing in Boston</td></tr>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">During the summer after my second year at UMass Boston, it became clear that the only way Adam could move to Boston would be for him to give up his established career and start fresh. I thought I might have a chance of convincing him it was worth it when he came to spend time in Boston that next fall – while we’d certainly enjoyed a lot of snow together so far, we had yet to experience the purported best season in Boston. We went leaf-peeping in New Hampshire, we visited the Cape, Glouster, and Lowell; we fell in love with several adorable coastal towns and discussed the potential to live in Hull or another town with surfing options. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Meanwhile, though, I was feeling less than confident at work. I was co-teaching with a seasoned professor who demonstrated abundantly that I was not actually as awesome at teaching as I had convinced myself. I also realized I not only wasn’t particularly talented at teaching, but I had very little grasp of the literature on teaching methods. I was mostly just teaching by feel, and was demoralized to realize that if I really wanted to become as effective a teacher as I had hoped, I was going to have to invest a lot more time into that pie-slice of my job. Barring that, I was going to have to live with myself being a sub-par instructor for people who deserved better. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">During my maternity leave, I had taken a break from proposal-writing. This turned out to be a potentially deadly blow to my academic career. I saw that the end of my start-up funding was looming, as was the end of my first and only federal grant, and I didn’t have any proposals in the pipeline. I couldn’t bring on new students without funding, but I couldn’t get new funding without some preliminary results and new ideas, and I didn’t have the time or energy to produce these things. I had nothing lined up to pay my summer salary the following year; without that money, the cost of childcare and rent in Boston would exceed my monthly income and I would have to pay to go to work. I started to freak out.</span></span></div>
Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-66739096383856976572017-10-09T08:00:00.000-07:002017-10-09T08:00:10.285-07:00Why I left academia, Part 3, or: I do not know how single parents do it<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8px;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I guess I should go on surf trips more often. I was in Costa Rica with my husband, 2 yr old son, and some old friends, renting a little cabina near a beach. Ryder was having a rough go of it: the howler monkeys terrified him (“can we find some quieter monkeys?”), he got attacked by fire ants, a wasp stung him on the boy parts while he was playing naked because it was so hot, and then a scorpion had the audacity to hide under a dustpan and sting his foot when he went to play with it (I give him all the best toys). </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">One afternoon I was sitting in the hammock while the guys went surfing, and Ryder was bulldozing pebbles. I had received a weird email from UMass Boston that asked me to go to their job application website to check the status of my application. Being very used to rejection, I logged into the site to see what they had to say - at least they were kind enough to actually reject me. Many jobs I had applied to just never said anything. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Weirdly, the message said that I was being invited for an on-campus interview for a faculty position in the School for the Environment, and would I please let them know my availability. I was suddenly glad they made me go to the bother of logging into their site, so I actually believed the message. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Finally, I had been able to apply for another job in an interdisciplinary environmental science department, where I didn’t have to pretend to be an expert in a particular discipline, and my weird mishmash of a background had apparently gotten some traction. I felt like a million dollars, and started envisioning myself wearing professorly sweaters as I strolled confidently around campus in the crisp New England fall. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">UMass Boston: So pretty in the snow</td></tr>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">A month later, I was at the interview. The weather was about as dreary as it comes - 40 degrees and raining - and the campus was not exactly going to win any architectural or landscaping awards. The upside was that the buildings were all connected by glass “hamster tubes” so one didn’t have to go out into the elements to get around. Plus, it was right on the Bay and it was in Boston - a pretty vibrant and exciting part of the country from what I could tell, and the people were great. I had so much fun at the interview.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">My husband was shocked when I was offered the job. He has a permanent-as-they-come research position at UC San Diego, and the idea of once again somehow living apart – as we had in Australia – was not appealing. However, since he is grant-supported, and not part of the teaching faculty, his job is theoretically portable. He went to his supervisors with the news of my job offer to ask their advice, while I went to my mentors including my PhD advisor as well. All of the academics we spoke to agreed: I had to take the position if I wanted to succeed in academia; we could, they trusted, work out our personal lives, but too many years adjuncting was apparently the kiss of death for hopes of joining the tenure track.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">So, I went. We decided at first that my son and I would live in Boston during the teaching semesters, and come back to San Diego during breaks; my husband would visit when he could, but because of some changes at his University regarding employees working from afar, his visits would be relatively short and sparse. We would also pursue options for him to transfer his grants or obtain new funding through UMass Boston, but we knew early on that this would not be as easy as I had thought during my job search. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The new building on campus that would house my shiny new lab and office wasn’t yet open when I started my position in Fall of 2014, so I was given part of a cubicle in a room with no windows when I first arrived. This didn’t exactly make my heart swell with excitement for my new position; it also made it difficult for me to spend the semester setting up my lab, which had been the original plan, and the reason I had no classes to teach that semester. I spent October in Boston, and then retreated to San Diego, where I had more space to work and life logistics were easier. I wrote proposals and resurrected projects, and prepped all new material for my class in the spring. When I got back to Boston in January, I felt excited and ready to roll.</span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEn3DkcH2HVpi8AIoByYpR0UaID1UXcbdq6DrLJVeNOvLpTis3ctLhAWmlCryVuOuvoZk3nDRq5aQLcUdAfMxrybReWgpPR98EX_D4QvlVekk7zY59-skGFMCzOUYoFx1OIFO_lhcMNn8/s1600/Jan+26.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEn3DkcH2HVpi8AIoByYpR0UaID1UXcbdq6DrLJVeNOvLpTis3ctLhAWmlCryVuOuvoZk3nDRq5aQLcUdAfMxrybReWgpPR98EX_D4QvlVekk7zY59-skGFMCzOUYoFx1OIFO_lhcMNn8/s320/Jan+26.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just one of the many blizzards we enjoyed in 2015 (inches)</td></tr>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Ryder and I moved into a furnished 2-story duplex in Cambridgeport. We were a few blocks from Trader Joes, Rite Aid and Whole Foods, as well as the Charles River, with a backyard and a kind landlord who lived two doors down and kept an eye out for us (and cleared our snow!). We were half a mile from the Central Square Redline T stop. I was excited to commute by train, pop into the city to see sights, and do my shopping on foot. I had never lived an urban lifestyle, and was amped. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Then that winter broke all of Boston’s records for snowfall and cold. One day we bundled up to walk to Rite Aid for Lucky Charms (as you do). Ryder had to pee when we got there; unfortunately I was too slow getting him into the restroom and undressed from his layers, and he lost it and ended up peeing all over the back of his snowpants. I knew it was too cold for him to get home without the pants, but worried the wet clothes would freeze against his skin when we got out into the intense cold. A couple plastic bags from the checker later, and I had sandwiched the wet parts of the pants between layers of bags and then put his jacket on to hold it all together. I was clearly killing it at this Boston-living thing.</span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2AFzVxLkgeTzpYYaQNzDdTDd6fKtxyeruxeltNthflSA9jcsylxNR0gyT-oohMJ3sn56nN9KdvEAcG7pEJis8O_6jSw9ZWIOcLfMil98FjF7LczvYfp1GVoQf2zH9POX10Yo6uWNuWpc/s1600/1794632_10204359535040812_7085678274396919928_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2AFzVxLkgeTzpYYaQNzDdTDd6fKtxyeruxeltNthflSA9jcsylxNR0gyT-oohMJ3sn56nN9KdvEAcG7pEJis8O_6jSw9ZWIOcLfMil98FjF7LczvYfp1GVoQf2zH9POX10Yo6uWNuWpc/s320/1794632_10204359535040812_7085678274396919928_n.jpg" width="217" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A relatively mild day at the T</td></tr>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">To get to work, I had to bundle Ryder in snowpants, jacket, boots, hat, and gloves, and then dress myself quickly and get us and the jogging stroller out of the door (thanks to friend Rachel for alerting me that small-wheel strollers are ridiculous in snow). I was born in Boston when my mom was a grad student at Harvard. A favorite story I used to make her tell me over and over was about just this: bundling me up in a million layers, getting outside to stroller to daycare, but forgetting to strap me in - when the stroller stopped short on a chunk of ice, baby me flew out and rolled down the sidewalk. All the layers meant that when my mom ran up to me, horrified, I was just laughing.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">When the temperatures dropped below 15F, I would put a plastic rain cover over the stroller to keep Ryder a little bit warmer on our way to daycare. After the second blizzard, people stopped bothering the clear their sidewalks properly, so we had to walk in the street to get to the T, praying no cars slid into us. When we got to the T, we would have to fight to get on. Often, multiple full trains would pass before we could shove our way in. I learned to be rude and pushy. When we got to our stop, we would bundle up again and walk another ½ mile to the UMass Boston Early Learning Center. I would drop Ryder off, removing his outer layers to place in his outside cubby, and then bring his special blanket and elephant into the inside cubby. After that, I walked another ½ mile to my office. It was great exercise, but the whole evolution took a long time. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8CXBx89wgOzNvAOFLgOSeJi2q4IHd5BxxEO2XbmqHMkJMM4LSnq0Ed7G80AA393qrqEPNGtcFvgzqIwDhrCcLVdT_hTu1j7u6utj5u7LLqZZe1gnDCv6prmjKWzzpjEoDb9hnUs1n5CM/s1600/1012981_10204373142380987_3850472849066725610_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8CXBx89wgOzNvAOFLgOSeJi2q4IHd5BxxEO2XbmqHMkJMM4LSnq0Ed7G80AA393qrqEPNGtcFvgzqIwDhrCcLVdT_hTu1j7u6utj5u7LLqZZe1gnDCv6prmjKWzzpjEoDb9hnUs1n5CM/s320/1012981_10204373142380987_3850472849066725610_n.jpg" width="305" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Checking out the shiny new building that housed my lab & office</td></tr>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Before I knew it, and before I felt like I’d accomplished what I needed, it would be time to leave to reverse the trek. In the evenings, after Ryder went to sleep, I knew that I should work again to make up lost time, but I was pregnant with my daughter and too exhausted. Usually, I would just go to bed when he did, snuggling together in my queen bed because neither of us wanted to sleep in separate rooms.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">One day I got food poisoning. I started feeling weird on the way home, and by the time we got to the apartment, it took every ounce of energy to get Ryder dinner and to bed. I then spent the entire night puking. In the morning, I called a cab, hauled Ryder’s carseat into it, and had them take us to the hospital. A few bags of IV fluid, some anti-emetics, and something that knocked me out for a few hours did the trick. When I woke up after being knocked out, Ryder was sitting in his carseat in the hospital room, coloring and eating animal crackers. I just about died from love and gratefulness for him being so good and patient, and also immediately had a thousand visions of all the ways he could have been harmed while I was asleep and no one was caring for him. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Spring came, and life got easier. Instead of snow on the sidewalks, there were pink drifts of cherry blossoms. One day we emerged from the T station at our stop on our way home, and it wasn’t dark. We celebrated by going out for an impromptu dinner, complete with fancy desert.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">And then it was time for summer back in San Diego. It was a bit of a break, and I felt like I caught up on work a little – my husband helped with the preschool commute, I wasn’t teaching, and I worked at home most days, so I had much more time. At the end of summer, I ballooned into a whale and a few weeks later my daughter was born. We remained in San Diego that fall on maternity leave. I kept up with some work, but I also did take a real break to enjoy her, knowing she’s my last baby.</span></span></div>
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Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-60867767924519165452017-10-08T09:00:00.000-07:002017-10-08T21:06:10.227-07:00Why I left academia, Part 2, or: Adjuncting might just kill your soul and/or career<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8px;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Since the end of my graduate career, I had been applying for full-time tenure-track (Assistant professor) positions at schools in any town in which I thought my husband might agree to move. We both surf (or, at least we did before kids; I can barely claim this anymore), and aren’t particularly willing to give up the possibility of surfing, so this limits the options a lot. The other problem I found was that my undergraduate and graduate training were both interdisciplinary, so I didn’t fit well into traditional departmental boxes. For every application, I tried to re-cast myself as a Biologist by focusing on the biological aspects of my research (namely, coral bleaching and calcification mechanisms), or as a Geologist by not mentioning these things and focusing on my Geochemistry and Paleoclimate research, depending on the department to which I was applying. I apparently did a poor job of this, because beyond a few phone and Skype interviews, and hearing a few times that I’d made the “long short list” (i.e. a list of maybe 20-30 people narrowed down from the hundreds of applications), I failed to make it to the coveted on-campus interview (typically ~3 candidates at that stage). </span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Hanging in our alley</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">So, upon returning to San Diego after my postdoc, with no tenure-track job offer in sight, I settled with adjuncting at USD (and later that year added another class at UCSD to augment my paltry income). We also moved into a particularly depressing living situation: we rented a studio built in a converted garage, which opened directly onto parking spaces in an alley way. It was relatively close to the beach, and I could walk with Ryder to the library and market – convenient, because we only had one car at the time which my husband typically took to work. But it was a particularly jarring step down from our 2-bedroom apartment in Australia that had a large balcony and overlooked the beach. I immediately realized I might have made a grave mistake returning to San Diego: land of horrendous traffic and now devoid of most of my friends, who had moved elsewhere after grad school.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">My time adjuncting at USD was overall enjoyable; the students were excellent and kind, the colleagues I got to interact with were lovely, and the campus is incredibly beautiful. My biggest regret is that I didn’t have more time to devote to building more relationships with the faculty there. I often wonder if this would have made a difference – over the span of a few years, I officially applied for 3 advertised positions there, but I didn’t make it to the final interview. This irked me, because I thought that I was a great fit for the department - an interdisciplinary marine science group. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">But to make matters worse, when it came time to sort someone out to fill in for my colleague’s sabbatical at USD, I was not offered a full-time visiting fill-in position, as I had hoped/planned for. Instead, the administration offered that I could continue to adjunct. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">As an adjunct, I was paid the equivalent of minimum wage when the prep, grading, and office hours were taken into account. Though I had decently affordable childcare that I paid for hourly (a very rare situation!), I kept my son in care the absolute minimum amount of time I could get away with and still get my paid teaching work done, so that at the end of the month I would be able to contribute perhaps $100 to the family finances. My husband’s salary was small for the high cost of living in San Diego, and he was grant-funded, so that income could theoretically dry up at any moment. In September that year, we had decided to invest our savings and buy a (practically condemned) house to try to build eventual equity. With the house payments, and other expenses, our bills were not insignificant, and I was constantly stressed about money. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Learning some practical skills</td></tr>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I had some colleagues who had made adjuncting work – but they either had a partner with a high-paying job and thus mainly adjuncted for the good of it, or they taught approximately 8 classes at 5 different schools and spent all of their time driving around the county to teach, while receiving no benefits at any of the jobs. These options didn’t do it for me, so I continued to look for other full-time jobs. The lack of reasonable pay as an adjunct was the major reason I wasn’t more involved at USD, and didn’t take the time to network there – potentially shattering my chances of landing an elusive tenure-track job there.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">During that year, after returning to California, I started applying for any job I thought I might reasonably be able to perform and might theoretically enjoy. This included science writing jobs, science outreach jobs, science policy jobs, environmental consulting jobs, and probably other jobs I am forgetting. My time was limited, since I was mostly a stay-at-home mom, with short excursions to campus for my teaching and office hours and a bit of prep (plus a house to construct in the evenings). If my son didn’t nap well a particular day, my valuable work/job application time was shot. I started waking up at 5 am to quietly work in the dark before the boys got up, and try to eek more time out of the day. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">While I felt guilty about not having more time to devote to my colleagues at USD, and not having enough time to devote to putting together good job applications (I think I submitted an overly-honest one in which I fessed up to writing it at like 11 pm post-kid-bed-time-and-class-prep and knowing it sucked, but promising that I would be a great employee…*Newsflash* this did not sell well!), I was also exhausted and generally sucked at parenting as well. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">On my days home, I never wanted to take Ryder on big excursions that might mean I wouldn’t be home for my nap time work time, and I found that I wasn’t very creative or tolerant of the monotony of staying at home with my toddler. I didn’t have the energy or brain power to devote to ecstatic and thoughtful parenting, because I was constantly stressed about my career and jealous of my friends excelling in their careers that had not stalled, as well as super lonely. Sometimes I went to the park with Ryder and would see groups of mom-friends having a lovely time; then I would have to leave so I didn't break down sobbing weirdly.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Even when I did try and search books and the internet for clever ideas to create crafts or sensory activities for my son, they generally only entertained him for about 5 minutes and I’d be stuck wondering what to do with the other 8 hours until my husband came home. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I admit that I was the mom at the playground pushing her son on a swing and responding to work emails on my phone with one hand, or simply reading the news or Facebook for some semblance of a connection to other adult humans. During this time of stressing about money, feeling like a failure at mothering and at teaching and job applications, I was also still trying to continue my academic research career in some form, because I thought that having gaps in my publishing timeline would make me less competitive for that elusive tenure-track job that I so desired. This meant continuing to pursue collaborations and funding, and to attempt to complete work and publish. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">But, of course it could be worse, right? I could have been adjuncting and </span><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/sep/28/adjunct-professors-homeless-sex-work-academia-poverty" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; -webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(5, 99, 193); color: #0563c1;">turning tricks</span></a><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> on the side to make ends meet?! Or I could have not had the </span>privilege<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> of having an education, and no outlook for a well-paying job. I shouldn't complain, really, but it's one of my favorite past-times.</span></span></span></div>
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Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-51740912198848889172017-10-07T15:31:00.000-07:002017-10-07T15:34:45.714-07:00Why I left academia, Part 1, or: Why your career needs you to get good childcare<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8px;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-kerning: none;">At first this was one long blog post full of nitty-gritty details about my life. But it was too long, even for me, so it’s broken up into a few parts now: this series of posts details my semi-recent journey navigating the path into the “pinnacle” of early-career academic achievement – a tenure track position – and then rather abruptly back out of it. My path was winding and bumpy, and I highly do not recommend anyone else follow it…but as with most of my blog posts, I hope that by over-sharing my failures, I can help other folks on a smoother path through life (or at least give you a chance to commiserate and/or make yourself feel better about your above-par choices).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-kerning: none;">This post is about my postdoc. I had almost given up on getting to do a postdoc, because while I had applied far and wide, no one seemed to want me. I was in Europe with my husband on a camping and “surf” trip (mostly failed on surfing because the airline lost our boards for weeks) to celebrate graduating with my PhD, and relax before starting to teach as an adjunct at MiraCosta college that fall, when I got an email from Australia that they wanted to offer me a postdoc. I had interviewed earlier in the summer by phone but hadn’t heard anything for some time. It was rather thrilling but also logistically challenging to set up a phone call from a payphone at a campground in Spain to a completely different continent and timezone. I recall little about the conversation itself other than it being difficult to hear, and the early-morning sun shining directly into my eyes, attenuated only slightly by the scratched plexiglass of the payphone booth.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">Touristing on the ferry in Sydney harbor</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-kerning: none;">I had an incredible time as a postdoc for more than three years in Australia at the Nuclear Science and Technology Organization. I learned a lot, worked with kind and interesting people, got to take two incredible field expeditions to the Gilbert and Line Islands, lived in an amazing location, met wonderful friends, and had a kid in the middle of it all. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-kerning: none;">The kid thing really threw me off more than I was anticipating. Did you know that babies and children require essentially constant care? It is not physically possible to get any adulting done (i.e. take a shower, eat, much less actual productive work) while caring for a small child, unless you are a psychopath and don’t mind letting small people wail and paw at your pant leg while you do these things. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-kerning: none;">My husband and I set ourselves up for misery because we (1) were unaware of this (I blame heavily people who told us they had worked w/babies in their offices, forgetting about the students and nannies they hired to actually care for said babies, ahem…), (2) lived an ocean away from any family members, (3) as frantic first-time parents, we were nervous about entrusting strangers with our precious offspring, and (4) we took at face value warnings about crappy local childcare options from others. Let me clarify #4: essentially everyone who had small kids told me that every childcare option that was within a reasonable distance of either my home or work <i>and</i> had space was horrible and should be avoided at all costs – apparently it was vital to put your unborn child on a waitlist for the non-horrible childcare places before you even considered getting pregnant, in order to secure a spot when that child turned one (the standard maternity leave in Australia is a year). </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfv9fC4jyJa1btmvGORw_daCTTUHvbs-dsxQRpUOzURQh-PKh3-Bl2W92uVJI6froW0LrCggA8nrkv6nO0_dHnS8E1R4ELFDr9rg_rAxSM_YQQC0iRcSCWtrZFrrif2RvTdNrrI9L7QkA/s1600/13+mos+sleeping.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfv9fC4jyJa1btmvGORw_daCTTUHvbs-dsxQRpUOzURQh-PKh3-Bl2W92uVJI6froW0LrCggA8nrkv6nO0_dHnS8E1R4ELFDr9rg_rAxSM_YQQC0iRcSCWtrZFrrif2RvTdNrrI9L7QkA/s320/13+mos+sleeping.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">I will only sleep as long as you are not doing anything useful, mom</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-kerning: none;">Thus, we were nervous, thought we had no options, and also of course had waited too long because I wasn’t going to take a year off, I hadn’t known I was going to have a kid, and was therefore about 18 months too late for the waitlist option. This is all a pre-amble to explain that we had no consistent full-time childcare, and we both had full-time jobs. You may wonder why we didn’t hire a nanny: the answer is a combination of financial constraints and #3, above. I’ve always preferred my kids be cared for in a group setting; I’m sure most nannies are amazing, but I’ve had bad experiences and I worry too much. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-kerning: none;">Let me be clear, though: working without good childcare is idiotic, impossible to survive, and will make you hate your life. We did eventually obtain a spot for our child on a day-by-day basis (after figuring out rather quickly that we could not get work done while caring for a child, and that there are not enough hours in a day to sleep, work for 8 hours, and then care for a kid for 8 hours while your partner works IF you also have a commute and/or any interest in life outside of these 3 activities, and/or don’t want to sleep in shifts). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">So, every morning at 8 am sharp I would start frantically dialing the drop-in care center near our home, in hopes I got through as one of the 1</span><span style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><sup>st</sup></span><span style="font-kerning: none;"> 10 people to sign up for a casual space 2 weeks from that day. You know how you used to listen to the radio, sitting by the phone, and then dialing and redialing a hundred times to try to win concert tickets? Imagine doing this daily. It sucked, for sure, but was at least a step up from plan A – no care at all. By the time I had been back to work full time for a few months, I realized that I was so exhausted and stressed, #3 in my list above almost no longer mattered and I was practically willing to hire a random homeless dude to play with my kid for a few hours so I could get something done (I did not, of course, do this). </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-kerning: none;">With this backdrop in mind, you may understand why I couldn’t fathom the idea of staying in Australia as the end of my postdoc loomed. I was stressed and lonely (having a baby can be incredibly isolating), and convinced that if we returned to California, these feelings would abate. Thus, I generally didn’t even bother applying for jobs in Australia, and instead focused my efforts on San Diego, where my husband had kept his academic position throughout my time in Australia (yes, this meant a lot of time apart pre-kid, and extreme stress on his end post-kid trying to keep actively engaged in his job from afar). </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">I love being a mom - when I can devote my attention</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-kerning: none;">I had established a nascent collaboration with a professor at the University of San Diego, based on our shared love of corals and geochemistry, and she very kindly arranged to have me teach some classes there as an adjunct after we returned to town. She had planned a sabbatical the following year, and hoped that I would be prepared to teach her classes in her stead after my introductory year. I hoped that this would lead to a full-time position there, which would solve our 2-body problem. So when Ryder was 18 months old, we packed up things we couldn’t part with, sold and gave away everything else, and moved back across the ocean to San Diego.</span></div>
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Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-72466775743688041502017-07-29T21:48:00.000-07:002017-07-29T21:48:26.047-07:00Realistic parenting<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Both children are napping at the same time right now. It may only last for 5 minutes, but I relish these scraps of quiet and calm in a way that frightens me a bit. I did consciously choose to have children, and I was even around kids a lot growing up, as the oldest of 5 - but the reality of my ability to parent and my kids’ temperaments is mildly (wildly?) different from what I anticipated. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Indulge me while I contrast a few scenarios as they played out in my mind’s eye prior to having kids, and then how they actually occur.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>Grocery shopping</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Jessica’s brain: The little one sits in the seat part of the cart and plays with a wooden, hard-carved rattle lovingly shined with non-toxic fair-trade almond oil. The older one skips happily down the aisles, helpfully selecting healthy and affordable choices with non-wasteful packaging that he places carefully into the cart.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Reality: The little one sits in the cart seat and gnaws on my keys, or a horrible brightly-colored plastic toy, ingesting heavy metals or endocrine disruptors and thus killing braincells or destroying her future reproductive abilities. But at least she isn’t screaming and pulling my hair, so I make a vague attempt to swap a healthier toy into her hand and then give up. How can babies be so strong?</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The older one has wedged himself underneath the cart and is busy intermittently dragging his limbs along the ground, causing the cart to swerve unsuspectingly into displays or other carts. Now and then, the entire 4-year old tumbles himself out, halting progress of the cart so that he can grab something off the shelf that will either </span></div>
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<li style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">explode upon impact once tossed in the cart, showering fellow shoppers with blueberries, </span></li>
<li style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">has zero nutritional value, </span></li>
<li style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">is very expensive (a $4 bag of walnuts that contains approximately 5 nuts, for instance) and/or </span></li>
<li style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">has approximately 6 layers of plastic encasing a tiny slice of edible material. </span></li>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Considering that the older one is somewhat underweight and very picky about food, many of these irritating choices make it home with us in hopes that he will put some meat on his bones.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hey, kids! I have an awesome idea! Let's walk out into this meadow to enjoy the natural world. Nevermind the fact that 90% of the ground in said meadow is a bog that you will sink into, turning your shoes smelly and wet and brown.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>A visit to the beach</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Jessica’s brain: Ooh! The weather is lovely! We’ll just pop down to the beach to enjoy some healthy outdoor bonding time as a family. We’ll make a sandcastle and go for a swim and come home relaxed and sun-kissed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Reality: I throw some relevant beach-articles into a bag with one hand, while the other tries to simultaneously hold a heavy, wiggling baby who cries if I put her down and prevent her from pulling out my hair strand by strand. Meanwhile, the 4-yr old is staging a protest against going outside by lying on the ground where I am trying to walk, and wailing loudly. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I manage to get the kids, a towel, and possibly some swimwear and/or sunscreen into the car, drive a mile to the beach, and find parking while the kids continue to yell about how they just wanted to sit around and whine about watching TV instead of doing anything fun. I unload them and manage to get them down the 5 flights of stairs to the sand via an exhausting process of coercion mixed with carrying 45 lbs of kids in spurts. I spread out the towel, which I notice is much too small to do much. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">The sun is really blinding and I’ve forgotten an umbrella. I open the bag of junk and pull out two rashguards for the 4-yr old and a bikini bottom for myself. I seem to be missing a bikini top, bottoms for the older child, and anything useful for the baby. I convince the older child that underpants and a rashguard are a fine beach-going outfit, and that he should let his sister wear his spare rashie for sun protection. I slather the rest of their exposed surfaces with sunscreen, feeling quite proud that I managed to bring this key item. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">After we are all set to enjoy our lovely time at the beach, the 4-yr old proclaims that he is hungry. I pull out an array of random unhealthy snacks filled with sand that I left in the bag from last time we were at the beach. Though they were acceptable last time, today they are no good and he wants something else, kicking off a long discussion about the fact that I can’t produce new food from nothing. Sometimes we invent an imaginary snack-producing machine, which distracts him long enough to forget that he hates the available food. Then he invariably asks for sand toys, which I’ve forgotten. I manage to find a half-broken plastic spoon in the bag, and scrounge up some sticks from the beach, but these aren’t really up to par.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I look longingly at the put-together mom lounging on a comfortable chair down the beach, while her properly-dressed children play happily in the sand with their buckets and shovels under a proper shade structure. The next time we go to the beach, I bring an entire wagon filled to bursting with towels, chairs, shovels, umbrella, snacks, water, actual swimwear, and the like. The instant we’ve set up our little home on the beach, the 4-yr old needs to poo. Sigh.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dressed reasonably for the beach, and eating actual semi-healthy food? Whoever is behind the camera must be a quivering pile of sweat after all of that effort. </td></tr>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>Bonding with my children during sweet, yet flexible evening routines</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Jessica’s brain: Well, I don’t want to be tied down to a rigid bedtime routine, because then we won’t be able to just continue living our lives exactly as normal (with the minor addition of two additional opinionated people for whom are responsible). Furthermore, if I do develop any sort of flexible bedtime regime that I may or may not deploy depending on whether it’s convenient for me and my social life, I definitely will make sure it is bursting with love and affection. We will cuddle and laugh, have pleasant baths, don PJs and brush teeth while giggling, snuggle into bed to quietly read books or sing songs, and then obediently lay down with closed eyes to happily drift into sleep.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Reality: Throwing routines to the wind results in horrendously cranky children who completely refuse to sleep and/or do anything other than wilt onto the floor and cry over seemingly nothing. It becomes increasingly difficult to enjoy going out for dinner or to the beach or to a friend’s house to barbecue unless done at an atrociously early time. Our kids turn out to be practically incapable of sleeping in and making up for a late night; instead they turn into wild beasts the following day, draining all of our will to live. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Even if we opt to stay home and try to keep things early and easy, bedtime is never a walk in the park as I had imagined. Though we do it every. freaking. night, brushing teeth is a battle every time. I can’t even imagine bathing the kids daily; even getting them to allow me to wash their hair twice a week requires patience, fortitude, and a bit of conniving. Often, I can’t even convince the older one to change into PJs, and instead he sleeps in his school clothes, adding to the collection of playground sand in his bed as it spills from his pockets and socks. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Reading books to the two of them is a challenge. Of course the small one likes very simple picture books; the older one doesn’t mind them particularly except when she requests to read the book about babies eating again. And again. And again. Likewise, the younger one can’t follow along with Harry Potter, so she yells and pulls on our clothing and thrusts picture books into our faces to distract me from continuing it. Even if we wait until the toddler is asleep first to read a chapter book, the older one has trouble sitting still to listen when there are no pictures, so he keeps getting up and building towers out of other books or rummaging around his collection for interesting rocks. I find this incredibly distracting and assume he isn’t listening, so complain to him and ask that he come back and snuggle up to read, so I can have a fleeting few seconds of my vision come to life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>Carving out time to do grown-up stuff</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Jessica’s brain: It’s so important not to let life get completely consumed by children. I’m my own person! My health and feelings and relationships matter! The husband and I will most definitely set aside time for regular date nights, and I will regularly exercise and see friends and maintain hobbies like writing my blog.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Reality: I can count on one hand the number of date nights I’ve been on since having kids, and maybe on two hands the number of girls-outings I’ve attended without them in tow. Exercise mainly consists of chasing and carrying small people, which is exhausting but hasn’t exactly resulted in flat abs and bulging biceps. Hobbies are practically a distant memory. Case in point: I started this blog post approximately 11 months ago during a nap, and am just now getting back to it. I also have two partially-finished knitting projects that I started while each of my little ones were incubating in my belly, and neither are even close to being finished. Perhaps they will end up as gifts for my grandchildren. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Instead, I generally find myself either working, commuting, hanging out with the kids, or cleaning the house and preparing lunches and clothing for the next day before I pass out and do it all over again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>But I can’t complain - I love that I get to do all of these things, and I assume that one day the kids won’t want to hang out with me after school and I will feel weird an unsure what to do with my free time. Hopefully I can still dust off my old friendships and hobbies and resume these important parts of life. Hopefully they don’t atrophy and die from neglect before that time comes. (Hint, hint: I still love all y’all). In the meantime, I'll just continue to stumble through and thank my lucky stars I have the luxury of worrying about these silly things, rather than how we will pay the rent or buy food or go to the doctor. If the rest of my life consists of the same substance as now, I will die happy.</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgacMt784bq1YZtA4-8UOolIiNW2p7gCU-C0pnYtnDmIcPVbmWWOzcaBPhx4QWrYZwPQ50Hgs72Xzv2G6wt7O8mByLnqj5Ng9HJzVSVhWfCZliw_h9NQtaAYe97zZNudiRjC8iOVdGnGs/s1600/IMG_1643.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgacMt784bq1YZtA4-8UOolIiNW2p7gCU-C0pnYtnDmIcPVbmWWOzcaBPhx4QWrYZwPQ50Hgs72Xzv2G6wt7O8mByLnqj5Ng9HJzVSVhWfCZliw_h9NQtaAYe97zZNudiRjC8iOVdGnGs/s320/IMG_1643.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The little one usually wins when they both want the same thing. If the older one has a shark/crocodile complex as an adult, you'll know why.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-4506894023560304882016-11-26T13:05:00.002-08:002016-11-26T13:05:57.089-08:00How to clean pennies - a fun kid experiment<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This blog post is a joint effort with Ryder, who is now 5. He really likes playing with coins, especially when they are nice and shiny. A favorite activity is therefore cleaning his coins. Pennies are the most fun to clean. He wants to share his ideas about how to clean pennies with other kids, so I thought that a "how to" blog post would fit the bill!<br />
<br />
First, assemble cleaning ingredients in small containers. Ryder recommends testing a few different ingredients, to see which work the best. Yesterday, he used these:<br />
1. Ketchup<br />
2. Baking soda and water<br />
3. Vinegar and salt<br />
4. Water and salt<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoNGc1GSivracbCZKPhhvQ5h4JuvTj25IYcoe9L9JfQbmu_yJZElWACUyFJqIFi4ttGQ_c0XtH9N1cTsNdW0lCXN-wYhNB6jy-kMhGWFxh7XYK3Ey6fRTaq-gqkLlDrbRey3NnCHUv2yQ/s1600/pennies2.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoNGc1GSivracbCZKPhhvQ5h4JuvTj25IYcoe9L9JfQbmu_yJZElWACUyFJqIFi4ttGQ_c0XtH9N1cTsNdW0lCXN-wYhNB6jy-kMhGWFxh7XYK3Ey6fRTaq-gqkLlDrbRey3NnCHUv2yQ/s320/pennies2.JPG" width="240" /></a><br />
Other ingredients you might want to try, alone or combined with one another or the above:<br />
1. Oil<br />
2. Dish soap<br />
3. Lemon juice<br />
4. Carbonated water<br />
5. Water and sugar<br />
6. Other beverages you have in the fridge; particularly ones your kid convinced you to buy because the packaging looks cool, but which taste disgusting and no one wants. <br />
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If you have an old toothbrush, you can use it to rub the ingredients on the pennies, which helps with the cleaning process. It's extra great if the 1 year old then comes in and grabs the old dirty ketchup and salt-covered toothbrush and starts cleaning her teeth. <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpqqp-qyMGwy8y4YKGhYxg80nIzAV3iMvRqn7a4w9R_lPuFp15dqnvxSDOMDvpECcw7_XQtzj5k4cLMhyphenhyphenIzWfcL3Vngu8kdz1hdpX-GzTPVwyDQ0th4BiQEgwST0uPuIAsC-Ubvl-znjQ/s1600/pennies1.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpqqp-qyMGwy8y4YKGhYxg80nIzAV3iMvRqn7a4w9R_lPuFp15dqnvxSDOMDvpECcw7_XQtzj5k4cLMhyphenhyphenIzWfcL3Vngu8kdz1hdpX-GzTPVwyDQ0th4BiQEgwST0uPuIAsC-Ubvl-znjQ/s320/pennies1.JPG" width="320" /></a><br />
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To make this into an experiment, start with a bunch of pennies of the same level of dirtiness (it helps if they were all made either before or after 1982, when they switched from 95% copper to mostly zinc with copper plating [note that some 2009 pennies are mostly copper]). Try one solution on each penny, and then compare the results. Or, try one solution for different amounts of time on each penny. Take notes about your experimental setup and observations to make it official. Happy penny cleaning!<br />
<br />Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-74446686578507389492016-10-28T18:50:00.000-07:002016-10-28T18:50:26.730-07:00How to do it all<style>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Hello out there!
This poor blog has been quite neglected lately. Work seems to be 99% typing
these days, so my writing energy is flagging. But, it’s 8:30 pm on
Friday night and the kids are asleep – so here we go!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Life these days
is a little hectic. I’m often single-parenting and my job is pretty demanding
(many fledgling professors like myself claim 80-hour workweeks. I definitely do
not, and could not, physically work that much even without kids, but it is
relatively demanding, nonetheless). I’m often flattered and surprised by friends exclaiming
things like “wow, look at you doing all of this and keeping your shit
together!” The truth is that (1) my shit is about as together as this </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/26tP41fh76vmLO3iU/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/26tP41fh76vmLO3iU/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">but (2) thank you, and it’s because of a lot of moral support and tricks I’ve
stolen from other folks.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Here are some of
the most useful tricks I use to semi-successfully parent two small kids while
not completely sucking at my career:</span></div>
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<br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">When
the kids are in bed at night, I do the life-stuff that must be done, like
contesting parking tickets, trying to figure out what the fuck excise tax is,
and paying the seemingly endless bills. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
also have started cooking after the kids are in bed. I used to really enjoy
cooking (especially when paired with wine and good music) and I do actually want
to feed the kids good food, but the idea of getting home from
work/school/Boston traffic hell and then cooking while the kids whine about
being hungry and claw at my legs is awful. So, I just pull something I made the
night before out of the fridge (or the week before out of the freezer,
respectively) and zap it in the microwave. Voila! Dinner is ready in a few
minutes with minimal effort, yet it's not always just Trader Joes packaged food
(as it had been before I figured this out).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">My
dad gave me a Roomba for my birthday, and…let me just say that if there were a
fire and I could only save one thing aside from the children – it would be the
Roomba. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiERtrW-pjn_fNFBy2-OkeyNYGypZeDi4kSLeshW38zyd4mh0LMvMmMs3PI6M0BtXg3dPPmI2HpN2oqANj0JoRf13kTbQ3tq__PXvgy_b50fHgYqOQkkNL8SR9g2X5GpHNUsPE3esaTFiY/s1600/IMG_8354.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiERtrW-pjn_fNFBy2-OkeyNYGypZeDi4kSLeshW38zyd4mh0LMvMmMs3PI6M0BtXg3dPPmI2HpN2oqANj0JoRf13kTbQ3tq__PXvgy_b50fHgYqOQkkNL8SR9g2X5GpHNUsPE3esaTFiY/s320/IMG_8354.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">forts >>orderly houses</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Most
of my social life these days consists of texting, social media interaction, and
commiserating with other parents of small children while the kids destroy one
of our houses. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Ryder
often goes to bed in clothes ready for the next day. His school serves
breakfast, so as long as he is wearing clothing, I can just get shoes on his
feet and get him to school and he will be fed and set for the day. I love the
idea of changing into PJs each night and having breakfast at home in the
morning together, just like in the cereal commercials. But the reality was that
I was spending the 60-90 minutes of our time together in the morning nagging
him incessantly to get dressed and/or eat his breakfast so we weren’t late, and
we were still invariably rushing every morning. When he sleeps in his clothes,
he can spend 45 minutes carefully arranging tiny scraps of paper on his desk,
watch a cartoon, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i> harass his
sister before we have to leave. We can be on time and he can eat French toast
sticks and other delicacies served by the amazing school cafeteria that I don’t
have the energy to prepare.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIE_5yHQnyGELbEAQCisxDO5ZX1szj8vdmtiXqi2fkPFrOYop3nCzy2tcynYdX7ogu-JqrwVLcDJJHLDxtjO77cBqID-ng8PKShaXj8G6oMrQb5Ln1zT_QA1jkrkb2U8W2MwUe4sE1_1I/s1600/IMG_8443.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIE_5yHQnyGELbEAQCisxDO5ZX1szj8vdmtiXqi2fkPFrOYop3nCzy2tcynYdX7ogu-JqrwVLcDJJHLDxtjO77cBqID-ng8PKShaXj8G6oMrQb5Ln1zT_QA1jkrkb2U8W2MwUe4sE1_1I/s320/IMG_8443.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A prime example of why my car is a pigsty. But, at least snacks like this keep the small people from mutiny during drives</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I
shower as infrequently as possible. This saves time, and also makes me virtuous
because we are in a drought. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I
only cloth diaper on the weekends.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> I
make the kids do errands with me. This usually requires bribery, often in the
form of a sugary treat.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I
don’t work when the kids are awake and with me. If they aren’t asleep or at
school, I try my hardest to focus on them (with the occasional foray onto
Twitter or email when they are occupied and I crave a moment of fleeting
virtual connection with other adults). We read books. We go on walks. We look
for treasures in cracks in the sidewalk. We visit museums and clean pennies and
count blue plastic gems and draw and decorate the porch with fake spiderwebs
and go down slides and do all the wonderful things that we should be doing. I
remember that I’m the luckiest person alive. </span></li>
</ol>
</div>
Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-10466924744040412922016-08-18T08:57:00.002-07:002016-08-18T09:01:50.393-07:00Climate change is depressing. Is there any point?Yesterday, I got the email below somewhat out of the blue, in response to my writing about <a href="http://www.isthishowyoufeel.com/this-is-how-scientists-feel.html#Carilli" target="_blank">how I feel </a>about climate change. I was actually really glad to receive the note, and that I had a chance to respond. In the off-chance that these words might help others feeling the same way out there, I'm posting them here with personal information removed.<br />
<br />
-----<br />
<br />
Dear Professor Carilli,<br />
<br />
So, this is rather weird. I
am really sorry about sending you this random email, considering you
don't know me, and I am sure have more important things to do [note from Jessica: this is, to me, the definition of really important!]. I just
need a little help, and I saw something you wrote on <a href="http://isthishowyoufeel.weebly.com/this-is-how-scientists-feel.html#Carilli" target="_blank">isthishowyoufeel.com</a>,
and I thought...I have no idea. So, I suffer from severe anxiety and
depression, and my mind has seriously focused in on climate change. It
scares the absolute hell out of me, and it has basically led me to think
that there is no point in my being alive anymore. The world is so
screwed, there is no point in me sticking around anymore, or possibly
having a child who would have to live in such a terrible world. I know
this is partially my sickness, but I also feel like there is legit idea.
I don't want to die, but the last few days have hurt so terribly, and I
am so afraid all the time, I just have trouble finding other options.
This morning, I started googling about finding hope in climate change,
and I found what you said online, and I guess I just wanted someone to
tell me that there is some hope for the future. Because right now, I do
not want to see such a miserable future. God, I really did used to be
such a happy positive person, but these last few years...they just been
really hard. <br />
<br />
Thank you for reading my email and listening to my depressing rambling. I hope that you have a wonderful day<br />
<br />
----<br />
<br />
Dear [redacted], <br />
<br />
Thanks for your email. I’m glad you found what I wrote, and I’m not sure if it was helpful or made you feel worse, but in any case I’m glad that you reached out. While I can’t pretend to know how you feel, I can assure you that you aren’t alone in this sometimes hopeless feeling. <br />
<br />
When I was 18, I got a tattoo that says “Never Give Up.” This is a reminder to myself that I often think about in this struggle with “what’s the point, when everything is going to shit?” It helps me remember that although humans can be really destructive and thoughtless, we are also astoundingly clever, and have come up with some really amazing technological solutions for environmental problems. I sometimes flip-flop between thinking that yes, the earth would probably be better off if humans all just kicked the bucket – and then thinking, no: humans are animals, and we have just as much right to live on this earth as other creatures – we just need to use our intellect to live on this planet WITH the other creatures more fairly. I love when I hear about some incredible technological solution that has the potential to improve the lives of humans (particularly the disadvantaged) as well as the environment. Killing ourselves, not having children, or living in caves is just not a good solution for anyone…so if there are ways that we can invent ourselves out of catastrophic climate change, I’m all for it! <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWZz4M94xJFOkuga4mBm6B0iF3St39G_pUd3MsfE9RKdSr3_O55ubBx779swGm9Bow0-TWyAszcAlDO4SyeXTsjav_ig9Ih5WmLqSMnqine700TQljMS3agzv9lASjSPSYhvnsaAk4vJQ/s1600/climate+change.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWZz4M94xJFOkuga4mBm6B0iF3St39G_pUd3MsfE9RKdSr3_O55ubBx779swGm9Bow0-TWyAszcAlDO4SyeXTsjav_ig9Ih5WmLqSMnqine700TQljMS3agzv9lASjSPSYhvnsaAk4vJQ/s320/climate+change.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I
also like to focus on personal choices that make a difference for
climate change - like hanging my laundry.<br />
I firmly believe that many
small efforts do add up to matter.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
There are so many cool examples of major scientific progress and optimism, and this gives me a lot of hope. <br />
Here are a few examples that I like to think about:<br />
<a href="http://www.sciencealert.com/audi-have-successfully-made-diesel-fuel-from-air-and-water">http://www.sciencealert.com/audi-have-successfully-made-diesel-fuel-from-air-and-water</a><br />
<a href="http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/06/antarctic-ozone-hole-healing-fingerprints/">http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/06/antarctic-ozone-hole-healing-fingerprints/</a><br />
<a href="http://www.sciencealert.com/scientists-have-figured-out-how-to-turn-co2-into-solid-rock-within-months">http://www.sciencealert.com/scientists-have-figured-out-how-to-turn-co2-into-solid-rock-within-months</a><br />
<a href="http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/rise-ocean-optimism-180959290/?no-ist">http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/rise-ocean-optimism-180959290/?no-ist</a><br />
<br />
Sometimes it seems like it would be good to just abandon ship and give up, but the flip side is that this world needs people like me and you to work hard to make a difference, and to keep shouting about the importance of science and the environment. So I hope you don’t abandon ship, or give up on having kids. I think the world needs more people like us, who care deeply and want to make a difference, and will raise kids who care deeply and will continue making a difference into the future. It’s definitely scary to think that in a few decades, things could be much different from how they are today – and it could be bad. But it could also be better – maybe soon we will make drastic changes to the status quo, and instead of spiraling into disaster, we will rise to the challenge, turn things around, and rise like the Phoenix! What do you think?<br />
<br />
Thanks again for reaching out. I hope this helps a little bit.<br />
Hugs,<br />
Jessica<br />
---<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf3-M8MslJdF2Um954tmDs3LeO2tHJkNTy-3Y6MHiwayID7_8MNVI6XwOdKEGzjJ3p7K2hQdNoASniDSkuOyG5Twu82pMsMcoxGy3oEHG_869phg13M7GHnPHqqKfjk_7X7q6SrwJpZKw/s1600/obama2.png" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf3-M8MslJdF2Um954tmDs3LeO2tHJkNTy-3Y6MHiwayID7_8MNVI6XwOdKEGzjJ3p7K2hQdNoASniDSkuOyG5Twu82pMsMcoxGy3oEHG_869phg13M7GHnPHqqKfjk_7X7q6SrwJpZKw/s320/obama2.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Also, VOTE!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-66529937596348743342016-01-13T13:31:00.000-08:002016-01-13T15:46:25.226-08:00How to effortlessly get your 4-year old to accept vaccination shots<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Maternity leave
has gone by in a blur, seemingly punctuated with continual routine Doctor’s
appointments for various family members. We had an <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">awesome</i> time getting the 4-year old’s flu shot, so I wanted to
share my amazing story to inspire other parents who may be hesitant about this
experience. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">First – be sure
you talk a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">lot</i> about the importance
of vaccinations with your kid ahead of time. Small children are extremely
logical and will totally follow your train of thought and get on board with the
plan.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Next – if the
flu vaccination is the one that you are aiming to get (perhaps to protect
your tiny newborn baby from familial exposure), be assured that kids over 2 years
old can get a burst of <a href="https://www.flumistquadrivalent.com/">mist</a>
up the nose instead of a shot! Discuss at length with your child how much
better this option will be, and how it won’t hurt <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">at all</i>. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">At the doctor’s
office – be sure to do all the other scheduled doctor-stuff for your visit
before the vaccination. This will give ample time for your kid to get worked up
into a frenzy of apprehension about being sprayed up the nose with something
that is supposed to protect his little sister from invisible bugs. </span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7k4mJOU1174Yan-JG97DQpS6QGgZm1HcrdM9Z-p7gWUUGR_UnpnwloKRAH7mHAMUt_TVWIc0So6Fjj6PFibtOzGMlKgljM_NrudtIwy3v6PYd5yPECIHqbNQ9W3Ptnuup_-4iQYkdCDQ/s1600/vax_4_yr_old.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7k4mJOU1174Yan-JG97DQpS6QGgZm1HcrdM9Z-p7gWUUGR_UnpnwloKRAH7mHAMUt_TVWIc0So6Fjj6PFibtOzGMlKgljM_NrudtIwy3v6PYd5yPECIHqbNQ9W3Ptnuup_-4iQYkdCDQ/s320/vax_4_yr_old.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The 4 year old in his natural habitat. Do not be fooled by their diminutive stature; 4 year olds are very strong and crafty. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Once your kid
has gotten all frantic about being sprayed in the nose, ask the doctor to break it to him that
you were wrong, and his little sister is actually too young to be exposed to
any live (though weakened) virus he might shed after receiving the Flu mist,
and therefore he must instead get the (dead) vaccine via shot. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Be sure there is
lots of extra time between breaking this news to him and the nurse coming in
with the needle. This will provide your kid an opportunity to dispel some of
his pent-up fear via screaming at high volume, and/or throwing objects around
the room. You will then get the chance to practice your hostage-negotiation
skills to try to calm the situation down. This is a good time for lots of lies
(delivered loudly over his yelling), for instance: the nurse is a magic fairy
and she knows how to give shots with no pain at all. Or: the shot is guaranteed
not to hurt because it has magic ingredients and will actually tickle if he is
quiet and calm. This may also be a good time to try some bribery (cookies, ice
cream, lots of extra TV), and/or threats if you start to get desperate (no TV,
immediate nap, etc.). But none of these will work anyway.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiFM1HsTi9aloxdCQ_Qzz7wIC20b5M7-BGTYP6i6qGnx4br002-R81yr_bkn5EI2XlnFKWxnxnHJHnP2LcoR1zq-GECPev9ODHlwljBNUgjd4kDgaTAvqvwx9pTbPtlgz2Kq3VIPKIAac/s1600/vax_4_yr_2.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiFM1HsTi9aloxdCQ_Qzz7wIC20b5M7-BGTYP6i6qGnx4br002-R81yr_bkn5EI2XlnFKWxnxnHJHnP2LcoR1zq-GECPev9ODHlwljBNUgjd4kDgaTAvqvwx9pTbPtlgz2Kq3VIPKIAac/s320/vax_4_yr_2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Perhaps try interpretive drawing as an explanatory technique when you are appealing to the 4 year olds highly developed logical side before you head to the doctor.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">By this point,
the baby will almost certainly also be crying hysterically, so you can also
practice your remaining-calm-amongst chaos skills, which may come in handy in a
future natural disaster scenario. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Once the nurse
finally comes in with the shot, don’t bother requesting backup. You are totally
strong enough to hold down a writhing, kicking, biting 4-year old while the
nurse stabs around with the shot, trying to get it into his arm. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Actually, you
are not strong enough. Send the nurse for backup, while you keep cycling
between the above lies, bribery, and threats in a vain attempt to get your kid
to calm down and accept that he needs to be poked briefly for health’s sake.
Also be sure to dodge his flailing arms so he doesn’t punch you in the nose. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Once the cavalry
arrives, they will help hold your kid still enough to receive his tiny,
5-second prick in the arm. A short moment of (loud) calm.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Then they will
all flee, throwing a few pamphlets and post-visit summaries at you, and you
will once again use your chaos-triage skills (let’s be honest, ninja skills) to
give the baby her pacifier (again), intercept shoes that are being thrown at
your head in mid-air, stuff all the papers and strewn around articles of
clothing/toys/etc into your diaper bag, dodge punches your incensed kid is
exhaustedly attempting to lay on you, then pick up the angry 4 year old in one
arm and use the other to awkwardly push the stroller while opening the door
with your foot and get the hell out of there as fast as possible before your
kid sets off all the other kids in the office.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">You will be
operating on 99% adrenaline and 1% leftover morning coffee at this point, but
you will soon collapse. Hopefully your kid wears out first, or realizes that
you have left the doctor and he didn’t even feel any actual pain anyway, so he
will let up on the yelling and kicking. In a few minutes, he will just act like
his normal self, while your body goes into recovery mode from that trauma. The
baby will hopefully have fallen asleep by this time as well. Perhaps by now you
are all sitting quietly in the car, or on a bench waiting for the bus or
looking at the calming fountain outside the doctor’s office. Wherever it is,
just try to be sitting before you go into collapsing-mode. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now suggest and
then head directly towards whatever food/beverage item you feel will revive you
– coffee (well, perhaps suggest a hot chocolate to the kid), milkshake, ice
cream, etc. Chat normally with your kid, as if nothing just happened. Perhaps
ask him if he arm hurts, just for kicks (because he will say “no” as if you just
asked some obvious question like what his name was). Sigh and pat yourself on
the back. Perhaps think of a different strategy for next time, like surprise
shots when they least expect it (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">while </i>eating
ice cream!? Is this why Rite Aid offers shots?!!). Or just push it to the back
of your mind until next year. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiFM1HsTi9aloxdCQ_Qzz7wIC20b5M7-BGTYP6i6qGnx4br002-R81yr_bkn5EI2XlnFKWxnxnHJHnP2LcoR1zq-GECPev9ODHlwljBNUgjd4kDgaTAvqvwx9pTbPtlgz2Kq3VIPKIAac/s1600/vax_4_yr_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7k4mJOU1174Yan-JG97DQpS6QGgZm1HcrdM9Z-p7gWUUGR_UnpnwloKRAH7mHAMUt_TVWIc0So6Fjj6PFibtOzGMlKgljM_NrudtIwy3v6PYd5yPECIHqbNQ9W3Ptnuup_-4iQYkdCDQ/s1600/vax_4_yr_old.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-88121216637028535502015-11-22T16:38:00.000-08:002015-11-22T16:39:19.901-08:00How to make important conferences suck for young families<style>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Next summer, the
big once-every-four-years coral reef conference, ICRS, will take place in
Honolulu, Hawaii. With poor timing on my part, I suppose, I’ll have a
breastfeeding infant along with me – just like last time. And again, like the
2012 ICRS, the 2016 ICRS intends to provide no help organizing childcare.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">This is, in my
opinion, ridiculous.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">The 2012 ICRS
conference was <a href="http://jessicacarilli.blogspot.com/2012/07/how-to-piss-off-your-conference.html">full
of babies</a>. They were crawling around the presentation rooms, bouncing on
hips during the poster sessions, and squawking during the lunches. There were
babies everywhere distracting their parents from fully participating in the
conference because there were no offered childcare arrangements.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I complained
then, I complained after the conference, and I am almost certain other parents
complained, yet the upcoming <a href="http://sgmeet.com/icrs2016/childcare.asp" target="_blank">2016 ICRS</a> provides only the following:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">They will get
you in touch with other parents who would like childcare.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Oh, WOW! That is
SO AWESOME. Now we can all commiserate on how freaking difficult it is to
organize short-term childcare in a city you know nothing about. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">You know what
would be more awesome? If the conference organizers recognized that on-site
childcare is SUPER HELPFUL (always, but especially) during conferences. And
then provided it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcOkvC7_S32RGNv-AM5mS3ka3lCQ-XXSTCculqQH6ZwvS2Gs2z3dhbLy6VaNiaznNKkuBZSipNrtE4IooVR8tlltKk7cvh1yJekn5R-R2ffmJESdYa9ofKRO_QqtdbPofZYi7KnD76d7g/s1600/conference+childcare+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcOkvC7_S32RGNv-AM5mS3ka3lCQ-XXSTCculqQH6ZwvS2Gs2z3dhbLy6VaNiaznNKkuBZSipNrtE4IooVR8tlltKk7cvh1yJekn5R-R2ffmJESdYa9ofKRO_QqtdbPofZYi7KnD76d7g/s320/conference+childcare+1.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mommy, this presentation is horrible! They have no error bars! Waaaaaaaah!!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: small;">Here are the
main reasons on-site childcare is helpful (to me – there may be others):</span>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Reduces
the stress level of the parents if they can</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Check
on their kids easily and often. Particularly helpful when they have had 0 time
to vet the childcare providers ahead of time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Be
fetched easily if there is a problem with their child.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Not
have to arrange their own independent childcare, which always requires
significant time and worry.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Not
be forced to just bring their kids along to sessions, which is not really very
fun for anyone.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Allows
mothers to breastfeed more easily</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Is
likely more affordable than hiring a nanny or babysitter for the week </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Is
likely more affordable than flying a relative over to the conference to help
babysit </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Affordability
is particularly important to support early career scientists, single parents, and
attendees from the developing world</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">So, conferences should provide childcare.
This would significantly improve the ability of parents (of young kids
especially) to participate. Look, <a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/tarabrown/2012/10/22/want-more-women-at-your-conference-offer-child-care/">Forbes</a>
agrees with me! And <a href="http://sciencecareers.sciencemag.org/career_magazine/previous_issues/articles/2003_03_21/nodoi.16542031133681021838">Science</a>
Mag pointed out that no conference childcare is a barrier to entry back in
2003. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">There are even
companies that <a href="http://conferencechildcare.com/">specialize</a> in <a href="https://www.kiddiecorp.com/">conference</a> childcare!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Other conferences
provide childcare, like <a href="https://www.kiddiecorp.com/fallkids.htm">Fall
AGU</a>, <a href="http://osm.agu.org/2016/faqs/">Ocean Sciences</a>, <a href="https://www.marinemammalscience.org/smm-news/smm-conference-news/childcare-available-at-the-smm-2015-conference/">Society
for Marine Mammalogy</a>, <a href="http://www.sicb.org/meetings/2015/">Society
for Integrative and Comparative Biology</a>, etc. So, ICRS needs to get with
the program.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjph2M0rLxvmgdLR4dzUfwT5k0FNfpVm-8wR3BBzFKswRhopeBQtVU9u7x7C4RZ6VWwgfCJO8nC2YknNym1waU7RSG0qccf0x3xJLdgo_mNeke7XiC08io9Hipb3LYxl-Xp4qm5SeS6GLM/s1600/conference+childcare+2.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjph2M0rLxvmgdLR4dzUfwT5k0FNfpVm-8wR3BBzFKswRhopeBQtVU9u7x7C4RZ6VWwgfCJO8nC2YknNym1waU7RSG0qccf0x3xJLdgo_mNeke7XiC08io9Hipb3LYxl-Xp4qm5SeS6GLM/s320/conference+childcare+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Babies may not be helpful at the ICRS conference itself, but they are good at testing fossil corals for chewability post-conference</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Ok, let's say
there is some really good reason they can't provide on-site childcare. What are
some other things they could do? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">In
the very, very least, they could do some of the legwork and call around to some
local childcare places to find out if they take kids short-term. When I visited
University of Queensland for a week, I was able to find a week-long slot for my
kid at a nearby center*. Even if they don't want to do the calling around, they
could compile a list of contact phone numbers.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">They
could find some contacts for local childcare agencies and publish these on the
website. </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">They
could offer a room at the conference for families to use as a temporary daycare
facility on site. This way we could either work out ways to trade off watching
kids, or hire a nanny to watch the kids on site. This would be more expensive
and more work for us than on-site childcare, of course, but would provide some
of the on-site benefits I mentioned above.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Can you think of
other ways that conference organizers could make things better for people who
must bring their kids along?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">*The center
turned out to be terrible, unfortunately, so I pulled my kid out after 2 days
and he came with me to the lab. Sigh.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-47066914687612041092015-11-07T16:13:00.001-08:002015-11-07T16:13:45.343-08:00Humans are pretty cool: 2015 Science Hack Day San Francisco
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I was recently
lucky enough to be invited to attend the <a href="http://sf.sciencehackday.org/">2015
Science Hack Day in San Francisco</a>. At first I honestly thought that the
invitation had been sent to me accidentally (because I have <a href="http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Impostor_syndrome">imposter syndrome</a>
like everyone else), but once the organizer Ariel Waldman followed up, I
happily accepted. A big reason I decided to go was the location: I grew up in
the Bay Area, and the bulk of my family and my in-laws are scattered around the
region. This meant that I could bring the little ones along (R, 4 years old and
A, 3 months), and the grandparents could help take care of them while I was
busy science-ing. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">As the date
approached, I became a bit more nervous than anticipated. My role, as I
understood, was: (1) to give a quick talk about coral reefs and in doing so
help spark ideas for people to work on during the weekend, and (2) to bring a particular
perspective and expertise to the arena that might be useful and (3) to observe
and report on the event. The concept of Science Hack Day was still a little
muddy to me, though I watched the <a href="http://sciencehackday.org/about/">explanatory
video</a> and read some blog posts previous <a href="http://sciencehackday.org/ambassador/">Science Ambassadors</a> had
written. In these, it was explained that teams of people would form organically
to chose and work on a topic for 24 hours, and then present the results of this
“hack” to the entire Hack Day crowd when the time was up.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">My lingering
worries fell into two camps: (1) sciency-types, myself included, are not
legendary for smooth social skills; how will we form groups spontaneously if we
are too shy to interact? and (2) how will people decide what to work on, and
how will they physically do so? I had also invited my dad to join me at the
event as a participant. He designs new and refurbished labs for researchers at
Stanford, has patented several inventions, designed and built multiple houses,
and is to me the epitome of someone who can come up with clever solutions to
problems. He also articulated another worry as we read through rough ideas that
participants entered into a shared Google doc ahead of the event: (3) what if
all of this potentially amazing collective energy and expertise is wasted on
trivial projects? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Friday
before the event, the other ambassadors, the event organizers, and I met for
lunch at the waterfront in San Francisco. My mom entertained my littles nearby
while I enjoyed interesting and uninterrupted discussions about science with
other grownups, and got to eat with both hands. Thrilling! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Vr-I0wQ0lnq8FLVFfTycv7mAL7WCphHJue6mjrbmSchJF8Xcy1NVnMOlkaj11itOPSty-k5FsCfEFI9VGyYV5r_vfnnppou8gQunloHMpkiDoa7ROdz___R_1WuhJRoqWpVlpZbddcM/s1600/oval+office.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Vr-I0wQ0lnq8FLVFfTycv7mAL7WCphHJue6mjrbmSchJF8Xcy1NVnMOlkaj11itOPSty-k5FsCfEFI9VGyYV5r_vfnnppou8gQunloHMpkiDoa7ROdz___R_1WuhJRoqWpVlpZbddcM/s320/oval+office.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Giving my talk in the Oval Office. I love to gesticulate.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></span> <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">On Saturday
morning, I left my 4 year old again with my mom, and headed back to The City
(as Bay Area folk call San Francisco). Science Hack Day was hosted at the
headquarters of GitHub. The space was, to put it mildly, amazing. If you could
take all of the coolest things you could think of – a DJ booth, full bar, catering
kitchen, pool and foosball tables, a replica of the Oval Office, etc. – and put
them all into one architecturally beautiful building, this would be it. Oh,
also throw in an on-site daycare to be even more awesome. I don’t even fully
understand what GitHub is, but the building made me want to work there.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">The first hour
of the morning consisted of enjoying breakfast at large wooden tables
reminiscent of movie versions of Oktoberfest. Participants donned decorated
name-tags and began meeting one another during this time, exploring the work
area and gadgets that were on hand. A small CNC milling machine and two 3D
printers were staged on one table, along with a collection of powertools and
electronics equipment for making circuits and the like. A lot of people were
already typing away on computers at the tables, or scattered around on beanbags
and swiveling captain’s chairs.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Next, the
organizers kicked things off with some opening remarks. Some of this spoke
directly to my fears: we shouldn’t worry if it takes us a while to find a team,
and the lab-coated organizers could help if we were feeling like a fish out of
water and didn’t know how or where to join in. They also explained that nine
upcoming lightning talks – in three concurrent sessions around the space –
would be followed by time devoted to anyone who wanted to do so making a
42-second pitch for their Hack Day project. Both of these points calmed my
fears a bit, but I still wondered how things would actually fall into place. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">My lightning
talk followed an audio-visually stunning and content-rich talk by a planetary
astronomer, <a href="http://www.alexharrisonparker.com/">Alex Parker</a>, who
had a knack for explaining his science in a straightforward and digestible
manner (and who was also super nice). I was both totally impressed and happy to
learn from his talk, while also terrified about having to go up next. My talk
was decidedly less visually arresting and, I worried, perhaps both too simple
and too overwhelming. I explained what corals are, the main things that make
them unhappy (hot water due to climate change that causes coral bleaching,
overfishing, and polluted runoff), and ended with some quick ideas for “hacks”
that I thought might be possible and rewarding to work on during the weekend*. Originally,
I had planned to just put baby A in a carrier and give the talk with her, but
my dad offered to hold her instead – helpful as she decided to throw a fit a
few minutes into the presentation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I didn’t feel
confident enough to try to lead a group towards a particular hack, so didn’t
pitch a specific idea. Instead, I listened and then cruised around for the
first part of the day to see what kinds of projects got started. Indeed, though
my initial worries were centered on how people would find groups and decide on
projects, it did seem to work out. I should have probably realized that if
groups of organisms like <a href="http://inspiringscience.net/2012/08/28/how-does-an-ant-colony-coordinate-its-behaviour/">ants</a>
can end up with coordinated behaviors, then surely humans can, even if only due
to <a href="http://io9.com/5844183/emergence-the-scientific-concept-that-explains-slime-friction-and-brooklyn-neighborhoods">emergence</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">After a while, I
found and joined a group that aimed to make a game to teach kids about human
threats to coral reefs; perfect! But, we took quite some time to actually
decide on how the game should work and to then make it – in fact, by the time I
left that night to get A and myself off to bed at a hotel nearby, we had very
few solid ideas of how the game would work. </span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwPYfR57Y074yGu9ILnSOg7idkMFnYhFoER_oqy7G8Jr_85gG2dIAFRIt3Zxa_elTcW3odxgzBvsjNdCR83Is27ahfXbYVwcTG2Byq7VKwIbYp-vy6_esjR_TcDP8I8ANg256HzVuPjBE/s1600/legos.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwPYfR57Y074yGu9ILnSOg7idkMFnYhFoER_oqy7G8Jr_85gG2dIAFRIt3Zxa_elTcW3odxgzBvsjNdCR83Is27ahfXbYVwcTG2Byq7VKwIbYp-vy6_esjR_TcDP8I8ANg256HzVuPjBE/s320/legos.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our game prototype.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Our group didn’t
work through the night like some others did; we had good sleeps and a
relatively leisurely breakfast back at GitHub, then realized we really needed
to step it up as we only had a few hours left to complete our hack, and had
nothing yet to show. We quickly started brainstorming and making decisions on
what direction to follow, and who should work on what tasks. We managed to
complete the game and even had time to do a run-through, and it seemed to work.
Our game, which we called <a href="https://github.com/jermspeaks/coral-reef-game">iSea Life</a>, was a
cooperative, timed game with the goal to build a coral reef that had more
colorful (healthy) pieces than white (bleached or dead) pieces. Some of my
teammates are continuing to revise the game, and the final version will
eventually be up <a href="http://jermspeaks.github.io/coral-reef-game/#/">here</a>,
so check it out!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">At 1 pm on
Sunday, everyone finished hacking and gathered to see presentations of
everyone’s projects. First, Heather from GitHub gave a nice speech where she
showed that although some of the projects that people have worked on during
previous Science Hack Days may have at the time seemed trivial, some of them
led to real and useful <a href="http://www.wired.co.uk/news/archive/2015-08/14/3d-printed-stethoscope-gaza">solutions</a>
to <a href="http://www.refugerestrooms.org/">problems</a>. Indeed, jiving off
of other people and applying their thoughts to another problem is a great way
to come up with <a href="http://phenomena.nationalgeographic.com/2014/06/18/where-do-new-ideas-come-from/">new
ideas</a>. Case in point: I came up with my PhD research project by chance
during coffee with a friend. Although Science Hack Day could be perhaps used to
bring folks together to solve pre-determined “real” problems facing the world, in
many ways the design seems perfect for stimulating creativity in a sort of
random-walk approach. Even if the presented projects don’t immediately seem
useful, maybe they can be further refined in the future or applied to known
problems. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Since I’m an
environmentalist, the projects I liked the best were those that had some obvious
application towards environmental problems. These included “smogify,” a filter
to make photos visually reflect the air quality at the time and place they were
taken; an extension to Google maps to quantify the carbon footprint of various
transit modes on calculated routes; and an application that would redirect someone
from a dubious website to a trusted source after they searched for something
“sciency” like “climate change.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the end, I
really enjoyed my time at Science Hack Day and found it to be a highly
rewarding experience that I will think back on often. </span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizhcOXBQtxFJEuSiPraHYa7TmOh94FZQSrxZ3aEYhPZNwP2_hiGqSeMwbcx6OszLUFTOUInxlb2SWjli4DvVIJv3vFTbMqzcR-TUI6Xh0vO3a9pEnHk3ZWELkGbVh1uUbuGLVDlDaj7YE/s1600/news.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizhcOXBQtxFJEuSiPraHYa7TmOh94FZQSrxZ3aEYhPZNwP2_hiGqSeMwbcx6OszLUFTOUInxlb2SWjli4DvVIJv3vFTbMqzcR-TUI6Xh0vO3a9pEnHk3ZWELkGbVh1uUbuGLVDlDaj7YE/s320/news.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another cool hack: a bias-meter for news articles.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">---</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">*Here is a brief
rundown of my ideas for coral-reef hacks, most of which were not exactly
feasible to work on in such a limited time and space (GitHub being rather dry,
after all):</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Three biggest
problems for corals:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Climate
Change </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">à</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> causes coral bleaching and increases
disease susceptibility</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Suck
greenhouse gases out of atmosphere (this was not actually a suggested hack, but
something that needs to be figured out)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Improved
suctioning device to <a href="http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0120853">combat
black band disease</a> (one of a large number of coral diseases, this would
perhaps not have a large impact but is somewhat manageable)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Shading
devices</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">How
to mix up deep, cool water</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">e.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">More
zooplankton?</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">f.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/creating-corals-that-can-survive-climate-change/2015/10/19/ca0464fe-62fc-11e5-9757-e49273f05f65_story.html">Genetic
engineering</a>?</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">g.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Map
potential poleward expansion?</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Overfishing
</span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">à</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> one consequence is algal overgrowth</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Underwater
<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicken_tractor">chicken tractor</a>, to
enclose herbivorous fish and get them to clean off macroalgae on a particular
part of the reef?</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Polluted
runoff </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">à</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> many causes and consequences</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Minimalist
sewage treatment</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Runoff
reduction ideas</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/spongesuit-cleans-ocean_56244797e4b02f6a900cc63a">Water
cleanup</a>?</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5136670700639933195.post-45991757507004505512015-09-18T11:36:00.003-07:002015-09-18T11:36:41.025-07:00Unintentional crossfit for parents
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Well, I am
exhausted. And my muscles are already sore, an hour after my unplanned extreme
workout. So, tomorrow is going to suck. But hey, maybe this will catapult me
towards getting back into shape post-new-baby!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I haven’t
written any posts for a while, mostly because I haven’t had any unstructured
freetime, and partly because a month of prodromal labor, having a baby girl,
and then learning to take care of two kids plus my dilapidated body sucked up
all of my remaining energy for those pockets of time that I may have had. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Anyway, enough
complaining. Let me tell you about our awesome morning, so you can wallow in
jealousy!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I woke up to the
sound of light rain, which is odd because it’s September and I’m in San Diego.
As I told my mom 10 years ago when planning my wedding with no back-up plan for
rain, it would be a miracle for it to rain here this time of year. The next day
after saying that, of course, there was a crazy tropical thunderstorm. It
doesn’t </span><a href="https://www.climatestations.com/images/stories/san-diego/sdprcp4.gif"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">often</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> rain here this time of year, but it obviously can. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">The next thing I
did was take a mental inventory of all of the inconvenient things I had left
outside: approximately 6 rugs, a baby bouncy-chair, an old couch, a pile of
random clothes I had accumulated in the car and thrown onto the deck to be
dealt with at some unforeseeable time in the future when I had nothing better
to do, and 2 loads of laundry no longer drying on the line.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">We all got up,
the husband went to work and I did the breakfast routine. These days it mostly
consists of letting Ryder eat Lucky Charms and then watch cartoons (educational
ones!) while I nurse the baby, put in my contacts and try to find some clothes
that will allow me to nurse easily while being a color/fabric that hides
absorbed spit-up, and attempt to drink some coffee before it gets cold. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I suggested some
cozy indoor activities for the morning, but Ryder pointed out that we could
also go splash in puddles. Of course! We got out his rainboots and rainjacket,
I put Adelaide into the Moby wrap, and found our gigantic golf umbrella. We
headed off towards the canyon at the end of the street, splashing along the
way. I mentally whined to myself about the weight of the umbrella.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7Tb5QGGpGM7yndDWY5L0rk8X2S105O8jWvJSEExwYdETeJ68Q6RnE2r5lkDvF61LUufcQogc1goGbY46UZlZLNfttDGb5IKYeRRYFprYO32gmm2dihPlbIVLvoJT_Mz5CMee1Afb7v9o/s1600/IMG_5525.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7Tb5QGGpGM7yndDWY5L0rk8X2S105O8jWvJSEExwYdETeJ68Q6RnE2r5lkDvF61LUufcQogc1goGbY46UZlZLNfttDGb5IKYeRRYFprYO32gmm2dihPlbIVLvoJT_Mz5CMee1Afb7v9o/s320/IMG_5525.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Totally ready for absolutely nothing</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I was quite
pleased at the science-observation opportunities on our walk: we were
discussing wind-blown currents while floating an abandoned flip-flop across a
particularly large puddle, and gravity and erosion while exploring the
miniature waterfalls running down the side of the sandstone canyon. We followed
the main flow of water down to the bottom of the canyon, where it infiltrated
and disappeared, then back up the other side. I had never been that far along
the trail and was enjoying the exploration as much as Ryder.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">The trail lead
into a big empty lot that we traversed, only to find ourselves trapped by large
fences. We backtracked and found another exit through a neighborhood. By now
Ryder was totally soaked, as his rainjacket turns out to be totally
non-waterproof (how useful!) and of course all the puddle-splashing had filled
his boots to the brim. He also mentioned that he was hungry, which for some
annoying reason sent my insulin production into overdrive and I started getting
minor low-blood-sugar shakes. I had not anticipated such an expedition so had
no supplies of any sort. We were about ½ a mile from the house now, and our
lovely and fun walk was threatening to disintegrate into unhappiness. So, I
encouraged quick walking towards home by splashing through the mini rivers in
the street gutters to keep up morale.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">About ¼ mile
from the house, we had The Incident. Ryder tripped and went down face-first
into pavement. There was blood and loud crying originating from his mouth and
nose, and I feared displaced teeth or a broken nose. The teeth appeared intact
on first examination, so I decided we needed to get home out of the rain to actually
do anything useful towards soothing him. Of course, it’s hard to walk while
crying uncontrollably when you are 3 years old, so this meant I had to carry him.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I was already
carrying Adelaide and the large and heavy golf umbrella, so I had to get Ryder
onto my back and hold him with one hand while trying to keep the baby somewhat dry
with the other hand, and then run home. Halfway there, the holding arm gave out
and I had to drop him and try to get him back on with the other arm. Let me
tell you, it is hard to get up from a squat carrying 45 pounds of children with
no hands to help steady yourself. Also it is hard to run with said burden,
particularly when you are trying not to let the infant’s head bounce too much
on her weak little neck and everyone is now wet and slippery and the heavier
child is doing almost nothing to help hang on except scream loudly into your
ear. Luckily, I had randomly decided to wear shoes instead of flip-flops this
morning. Also luckily, adrenaline counteracted my low blood-sugar so I did not
end up a crying mess myself.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQSUBC6kN98AlGIWTfPfl0pU2JsLJyQEUYdnACKqdS6AzitybXqhXOgHhHDX1cqbh8tnQElrs1zsxFyXSKP82gNSjIZlXCj4hXZX5ZDRz0fcdTlPAKMZz0both_7Uzl0gcIcCp6pPLA2s/s1600/IMG_5528.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQSUBC6kN98AlGIWTfPfl0pU2JsLJyQEUYdnACKqdS6AzitybXqhXOgHhHDX1cqbh8tnQElrs1zsxFyXSKP82gNSjIZlXCj4hXZX5ZDRz0fcdTlPAKMZz0both_7Uzl0gcIcCp6pPLA2s/s320/IMG_5528.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The start of the canyon, when the walk seemed like a great idea</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I have never been to crossfit, but my understanding is that it goes something like this: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">-Instructor tells you to do some unreasonable physical activity</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">-You try and stop when you are tired and can do no more</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">-Instructor forces you to do more</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">-You do, and destroy your body</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">-Repeat and get fit eventually</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I could be wrong, but if that's the way it goes, parents should be quite to used to the concept: Don't think you can go one more night without unbroken sleep? Too bad! Endure 2 more years without it! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">On the way to the house, I
mentally prioritized the order to address all of our issues. First, I didn’t
want to destroy our newly-laid wood floors, so I planned to run us all into the
bathroom to drip. Then, since the teeth were intact and I didn’t think there
was much to do even if the nose was broken, getting Ryder dry and warm seemed
most important (after the floors, of course…). The baby was sleeping still,
despite the ruckus, so I planned to put her on the guest bed and hope she would
just stay asleep while I got Ryder sorted out.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">First, the
useless raincoat came off and into the shower. Ryder kept wailing about his
face until I explained the dryness plan, and then he helped by taking off his
boots and pouring the water all over the floor – at which time I remembered I
had not resealed the tile grout since ripping out and replacing the tile after
the toilet leaked underneath them. So I mopped that up and then got the rest of
the soaked clothes off and a dry towel around the now-whimpering instead of
screaming child.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Then of course
it was time to clean up the blood and assess the damage. Ryder let me gently
clean his nose, and poke around without much fuss, so I figured it wasn’t
broken. The lip was gigantic, and upsetting him, so we agreed that he would try
an ice pack while towel-enrobed on the couch, as long as I also brought Lucky
Charms to him with no milk and 2 bowls, then separated out the charms for him.
Of course the baby had woken and started to fuss for milk, so I had to settle
Ryder as quickly as possible while she worked up to full-volume shrieking and
he continued to request additional items that I could not hear over the
baby-distress-call.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">But soon we were
all on the couch, and I was using one arm to hold and nurse the baby while
feeding cereal to the 3-yr-old with the other, as he could apparently not use
his own. As I realized I had successfully not allowed either child to be
seriously damaged, the adrenaline wore off and I started to seriously shake
from my need for food. At this point I also wondered how much more broken I had
just become: the doctors had explicitly told me not to lift Ryder or other
heavy things for several more weeks. Oops! Our western nuclear families are so
annoying; there is no help for the parent, so one must learn to just suffer
quietly. As long as the kids are alright, we are supposed to just smile like
benign martyrs.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">So, I gazed
lovingly at my little darlings. At least I won’t have to go to the gym ever
again. </span></div>
Jessica Carillihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06765133581588147152noreply@blogger.com0